Not Ready

Today my baby girl turns one. I keep reading that when they turn one they are no longer babies but are now toddlers overnight.  I am not ready for that.  This year has been fast and slow, amazing and difficult all at the same time, but I am not ready for it to be over. I think back to a year ago, to waiting and hoping that she would come any day now.  I remember going to the hospital to be induced, then having a c-section, and finally after 9 months of pregnancy, 10 days overdue, 12 hours of labor in the hospital they placed this beautiful baby in my arms and I was forever changed. They tell you time goes fast, they tell you so much changes, but it was just yesterday that she was born, wasn't it?

It was just yesterday that we brought her home, that my Mom came to visit and lost our dog.  It was just yesterday that we figured out breastfeeding, that she smiled for the first time.  It was just yesterday that we moved her from her cradle to her crib, that she started solid foods, that she rolled over and sat up and crawled and took her first step.

And now my little tiny baby girl is marching all over the house.  She has an opinion about where she wants to go, but will cry when I leave the room without her. She talks and talks to us telling us so many things that I wish I could understand.  She points to things, sometimes to things that we are talking about, but usually she points and talks and I wish I knew what she was thinking. She gives hugs to the dog (but not Momma or Daddy), she knows the signs for milk, more, food, dog. She smiles and giggles at Daddy more than anyone else, but she cuddles into Momma when she's tired, hungry, or around new people. She loves wearing shoes and hats, but also loves to take them off. Her world has exploded this past month meeting family from Alaska, Indiana and New Mexico. She loves her cousins and loves to watch them play.

What happened to the newborn? I was always so excited to see what she was going to do next, but I also really tried to appreciate every moment, every stage, but they all flew by. I am not ready. I am not ready to put my baby to bed and wake up my toddler in the morning. I am not ready for her independence.

I love you Baby Girl.  I love you fiercely, in a way I think you will only understand when you become a momma yourself. I will embrace every change, be excited about every new thing you do, wether it's stacking blocks, or learning to read, or dancing about the house. But you will always be my newborn, my baby. I will always cherish the moments I held you in my arms and rocked you to sleep. I will look at you and see all the moments of you life all at once.  I see my newborn and my strong independent almost 1-year old, and the beautiful little girl you are becoming. You will always be my baby and I will always be your Momma.

Eight Months

Dear Eliza,

You are eight amazing months old!  Your Daddy and I say that you get more and more fun every day.  You are crawling all over the place and climbing into things and getting into all sorts of mischief!  We are in for some trouble as you get more and more mobile! You still LOVE your walker and go cruising around in it at such speeds! You love to chase after Scooter who sometimes has a hard time getting away from you.  You also follow me around in it and I have to hurry so you don't run over my feet!

You are hot and cold on solid foods.  Sometimes you are all about solids and eat and eat and eat, and then other days we can't coax you to open your mouth for anything.  You like just about everything except peas.  You really hate peas. And there's no hiding them in something else, or adding cereal to make you take another bite.  You just hate peas. I think we'll give up on feeding you peas for a few months. You love to feed yourself Gerber Puffs. And Scooter loves it too because sometimes you drop them.  Scooter hangs out next to your high chair when you are eating, and when you eat at Grandma's house you look for Scooter. You've just started to sign "milk."  You will sign it if we ask if you want some milk, but you will also sign it when you are eating solids or if you are very tired. You still love to nurse and sometimes prefer nursing to eating anything solid.

You still love being naked. You cry when I change your diaper until you realize that I'm going to take your clothes off and then you are happy.  Until I put your clothes back on.  You prefer Daddy to change your diaper because he makes you giggle and squeal.  Daddy is usually the one to give you a bath and the two of you laugh and laugh.

Your sleeping is still as unpredictable as ever.  And sometimes I wish you could tell me if you are teething, or having a growth spurt, or had a bad dream or what in the world woke you up and isn't letting you go back to sleep at 4am!

You love to play peek-a-boo with your Daddy, but not so much with me.  You follow me around the house now crawling, or if you go off on your own will look to see if I'm following.  You love to stand up next to couches, or holding on to me. You love to walk with Daddy or I, but not so much when other people try to walk with you. You are just starting to get nervous around people you don't know very well or see very often. You need to take your time to get used to a situation and get comfortable.  But once you do you are giggly and smiley and love to explore. You've just figured out how to open drawers at our house but sometimes they close and your fingers get trapped inside.  I love how you look at me with this "why?" look on your face, and I love coming in to swoop you into my arms and save you.

I am so in love with you.  You make me laugh and smile every day. You keep me on my toes.

Love,

Momma

Seven Months!

Dear Eliza,

You are seven months old!  You are amazing and growing by leaps and bounds!  Just this last week you started crawling!  You've been doing the belly scoot and roll thing for a while but now you are hands and knees crawling everywhere! You are also so good at getting around in your walker.  You used to just stay in the kitchen, but now you go everywhere.  Lately your favorite place to explore is the hallway, and you'll follow Scooter wherever he goes. You haven't quite figured out how to pull yourself up to sitting or standing.

You love solid foods.  You love your cereal, sweet potatoes and yams.  You tolerate bananas.  You hate peas.  I think today we might try carrots.  We've given you a few of those baby puffs to try to eat, and while you can pick them up, and you know they go in your mouth, you haven't figured out how to put them from your hand into your mouth.  You grab the puff with your whole hand and lift it to your mouth, but won't open your fingers.  You'll catch on soon I'm sure. The first time we gave you puffs you picked them all up one at a time and dropped them in the highchair next to you.  You still love to nurse and have a great appetite as long as Daddy and Scooter don't distract you. You love your sippy cup filled with water, but haven't figured out that once you get the water in your mouth you are supposed to swallow it.  You prefer to just gnaw on the cup.

You love getting out and exploring new places and meeting new people, but you also need to take your time and look around for a while.  But once you are done looking around and get comfortable you are full of smiles and giggles.  You have started clapping!  You will clap in response to anyone who claps for you!

You had your first real illness, a sore throat.  But you are still a happy little girl and the only way we knew you were sick is because you woke up in the middle of the night screaming and tugging your ears.  Momma and Daddy decided to take you to the pediatrician who said your ears were fine, but you had a sore throat.

You like books and reading with Momma.  You like to try to change the pages.  You like tearing apart magazines.  You love your stacking cups and try hard to stack them like Momma, but usually just knock them down. You love exploring the house more than playing with toys, unless it's Momma's phone, which you'll play with happily for half an hour.

Lately you hate napping.  Momma has to trick you into taking a nap, but if you know it's coming you cry and cry. You're also not a fan of having your diaper changed, unless it's Daddy doing it, and then he sings to you and makes you laugh and squeal.

We love you and can't wait to see what's next!

Love,

Momma

Six Months!

Dear Eliza,

You are six months old (in Januray) and the word of the month is curiosity! You are such a curious baby! This month you have been exploring in your walker and you love going all over the kitchen.  If we open the fridge or the dishwasher you come right over to find out what's inside.  You have figured out how to open one of the drawers in the kitchen, but haven't figured out how to take anything out. . . yet. You aren't quite crawling, but I'm sure you will any day now.  You are rolling and scooting anywhere you want to go.  I've given up putting a blanket down for you to play one because you'll just roll right off of it. You love your friend the baby in the mirror and will play quite happily with her for half an hour. Your favorite toy is the water bottle that Momma filled with dried peas.  You love to roll it around or pick it up and listen to the peas rattle around inside.

You are still nursing exclusively but soon it will be time to try out solids.  You love to watch Daddy and I eat and follow our food from our plates to our mouths with real interest and will always reach out and try to grab the food off of our plates.

You are not particularly fond of your carseat or going places.  You don't mind getting in your carseat, but once you've been there for 20 minutes you are done and want out right now! When we drove to visit Grandma and Grandpa Walker in Wyoming you cried half the way there and wanted Momma sitting right next to you holding your hand or playing with you.

You love playing with Momma or Daddy's phones or the remote control for the TV.  You'll eat anything you can get your hands on.

You still love taking baths and being naked.  You love to splash and play with toys in the bathtub. You always try to drink the water or eat the washcloths.  You even pulled yourself up to standing in the bathtub and almost gave Momma a heart attack!

You are talking and your favorite word is "dadadadada." You used to say "mamama" but now it's all about dada. You'll also sometimes say "baba" or "ka." You wake up happy and will lay in your crib and talk to yourself when you wake up.  You love to talk in church especially, and will get quite loud as you give your opinion during the lesson. Daddy says you are just singing.

You have started to roll over to Momma and try to climb on her lap when you are tired. You are a good nighttime sleeper, but naps are still a little challenging.  Sometimes you are a great daytime napper and sometimes a nap is nowhere to be found!

Love,

Momma

Five Months

Dear Eliza,

You are five months old! And you are getting more and more fun every single day! You can now roll over from your back to your belly!  And now you LOVE being on your belly!  So much has changed!   You love Christmas Music!  Momma has a strict no Christmas music before Thanksgiving rule, but when we found out how much you love it she had to change her rule.

You love standing on your feet!  You are so close to sitting up.  We put you in your Bumbo but are more interested in leaning over to eat it than sitting up and looking around!

Momma is working on helping you sleep and it's working!  You are back to waking up once or twice a night (so much better than 3-4 times!) and napping is getting better.  Momma added reading a book to our pre-nap routine and that seems to have made a huge difference.  You will now nap for over an hour at least once a day rather than just 30 minutes at a time.

It's hard to get up in the middle of the night, but I secretly love it too.  I love holding you close as you nurse and fall back asleep.  I snuggle you a little tighter and kiss your sweet cheek before I put you back in your crib at night.

Daddy is your best comforter. If you don't want to eat it's Daddy you need in the middle of the night to help you sleep.

You smile at anyone who smiles at you.  When we go someplace new or different wether it's a store or Grandma Harrell's house you love to look around to take it all in.

You love Scooter.  And now that you are learning how to reach and grab you are more likely to reach out and grab for Scooter.  You can reach and grab things on purpose now, not just accidentally or in passing.  Momma loves to give you things to hold onto as we walk around the house, sometime's it's a clean diaper, sometimes it's a toy.

You love your cloth diaper burp rags. You love to hold them and grab them and pull them into your mouth.  We play a game where we cover your face with the cloth and I say "Where's Eliza?!" and then we uncover your face and you giggle and smile when I say "There she is!"  Now you are starting to move the cloth yourself and find me!

In the morning we sing "Oh what a beautiful morning!" and you always find my eyes and smile at me. And sometimes when you are sad I can sing that to you and you will smile at me.

Everything goes into your mouth now.  You put Momma and Daddy's hands in your mouth, all of your toys, anything you can grab.

You are still happy and sweet, a content baby.

We love you so much! We love spending time with you, how sweet you are, watching you sleep.  We love watching you learn and grow!

Love,

Momma

So Fast

Dear Eliza,

You are growing up so fast and I just want to put you in a time capsule and tell you to stop!  Everyone at church today was telling me how big you are getting and I wanted to pout, stomp my feet and say "No, she's not!" to each and every one of them.  You are adorable and perfect right now and part of me wants to keep you just like this for a while longer, but part of me knows that it's impossible, and of course I want you to grow and learn and change.  I get excited every time you do something new.  The night you started eating your foot I called Grandma and Grandpa to let them know.  Daddy and I love to watch you splash and splash in the bathtub.  You are so close to rolling over both ways, and Daddy and I can spend hours watching you try.  Right now is my favorite time with you so far as you learn to interact, to watch, and to try new things.  But every time has been my favorite time.  I loved having a newborn asleep in my arms.  I loved one month old you as you started to smile.  I loved two month old you and three month old you, and I love four month old you.  I'm excited for you to sit up soon, and to crawl and walk, to learn to talk and say my name.  I'm excited for you to learn to tell jokes and sing songs.  I 'm excited for you running to your Daddy when he gets home from work.  But I can wait for all of those things because today I am just enjoying you as you are.  You are perfect.

Love, 

Momma

Four Months!

Dear Eliza,

Four months!  I can't believe it!  You rolled over this month.  The first time it was an accident.  Then we went to visit Grandma and Grandpa in Wyoming and we couldn't stop you from rolling over from your belly to your back.  We tried to capture it on video, but every time you would roll before we could even get to our cameras.  It's made tummy time more challenging because you just won't stay on your belly!

One night you didn't sleep at all unless Momma or Daddy was holding you.  It was a hard night for all of us, but the next day you were your adorable self.  Spending the day with you, watching you smile and giggle made the night worth it.  That was the day you found your feet.  That was also the first time you grabbed Momma's cereal bowl and tipped it over all over the table, the floor, Momma and Scooter!  Momma was just so excited that you are learning new things, that you are reaching and grabbing that she laughed and laughed and let Scooter eat it all up.

You still love baths, and you love it most when Daddy bathes you.  You started to splash in the bathtub this month.  You love to be naked.  You hate it when we get you dressed in the morning and put pjs on after a bath.

You love music.  We also love the singer Adele.  Whenever we put her on in the car you calm down and fall asleep.

We go to Grandma and Grandpa Harrell's house every Wednesday.  Grandpa scares you a little bit, but you love being there, looking around at everything new.

We can't believe how much you are growing, how much more we love you every single day. You are a happy baby. You love to be held.  You love to bat at the toys in your play pen and can now grab them and sometimes even pull one down!

Sleeping has been challenging this month, you've stopped being a good night time sleeper and now get up 3-4 times every night.  Napping is still challenging, but we found a bottle you like!

Love,

Momma

3 Months!

Dear Eliza,

Oh my sweet girl, I can't believe that you are THREE MONTHS OLD!  You are sweet and smiley and such a joy.  My favorite time of day is when I get to come in and get you when you first wake up in the morning.  You are just laying there waiting for me and when you see me you get this huge grin on your face.  It melts my heart every time.  Last weekend when Daddy was home and we heard you awake we had a race to the nursery to see which one of us got to get you up.  You just looked back at us and smiled and giggled.  We just started putting you in a swaddling blanket that velcroes your arms in because just this last month your arms started waking you up in the night.  When we get you up in the morning and open up your swaddle blanket your arms go straight over your head and you stretch and stretch and make funny faces.  When you've finished stretching you go back to grinning you sweet toothless grin and giggling at us.  Your gummy smile is my favorite, but I can never quite capture it on film!

We've been working with you on taking a bottle this month, and you just refuse.  You used to cry and cry when we put a bottle in your mouth, but now you just sit there and let us hold it in your mouth.  You'll swallow eventually when enough milk drips in, but you refuse to suck on it.  You just don't know what to make of that plastic thing in your mouth.

We're also working on naps.  Just when I thinks I has nap time figured out you go and change your mind.  For a few weeks you would nap in your swing in the bathroom while I showered.  Then you would cry while I showered but would smile and fall asleep as soon as she got out of the shower.  Then you weren't content until you were back in my arms.  So, we'll keep working on nap time.

You still loves baths and bath time is probably your favorite time of day.  You love it when Daddy comes home and as soon as he walks in you only have eyes for him.  Even if you were starving hungry you'll stop nursing as soon as you hear Daddy's voice.  You're starting to be more aware of Scooter and you want to reach out and touch him.  Scooter is very patient with you, but still tries to get Momma or Daddy's attention when they are on the floor with you.  You definitely follow sound with your eyes and your whole head, and you'll follow Daddy too with your eyes when he's walking around.

You are still a great nurser, wanting to eat every two hours for anywhere from 20 minutes to a full hour.  You sleep so well at night usually only getting up once at night.  For five nights in a row you slept for 12 hours without getting up at all.  Momma and Daddy were grateful for the sleep, but I worried about you and still woke up at 4am and couldn't go back to sleep until I heard you on the monitor.  (Apparently I wasn't worried enough to actually get out of bed and check on you.)

You found your hands this month and will bring them together.  You also found your legs and when we change your diaper you always reach down and grab your legs.  You haven't quite found your feet yet, but I'm sure it's coming any day!  You hate tummy time with a passion and will scream until we pick you up.

We love you more and more every day baby girl!

Love,

Momma