A Small Moment to Remember

Eliza and I took a walk to the neighborhood park today. That's a major accomplishment for me lately, I walk at a slow waddle when I'm feeling good, and sadly getting dressed has become more optional than not. But I woke up feeling good and it was still below 80 degrees at 11:00am, so off to the park we went. I pushed Eliza in her stroller and we slowly made our way the 1/3 mile to the neighborhood park with slides. I was regretting the decision not to wear my maternity support belt by the time I got across the street from my house. But we made it in good time and Eliza enjoyed herself. I did my best to follow her around but take advantage of shade and places to sit. When it was time to go home Eliza wanted to walk rather than be in her stroller. Off she ran as 2 year olds do. Her whole body gets into the run, with her elbows swinging back and forth and her torso twisting from side to side as she runs. We stopped at a nice bench in the shade and drank a little water while talking about the wind and the sounds we heard. Soon some kids came out of their yard to play on the parkway and Eliza went over to say hi.  The nice teenagers gave her a ball to throw, which she decided she wanted to take home instead, but what a pretty good sport when I told her to give it back. We continued on our way and she yelled "Goodbye kids! See you later!" over and over again.  Off she ran once more, but then she turned back, ran to my side and held my hand for the rest of the walk home.  And that's the small moment I want to remember, my two year old grabbing my hand as we walked home from the park. There's not much I can easily do these days. Getting down on the floor to play is too hard. Running in the back yard is impossible. Even getting up to dance with her requires major effort these days. I'm basically the size of my full term self when I was pregnant with Eliza but I still have three months to go. So doing little things like walking and holding hands is a pretty big deal for us right now, and it feels wonderful to spend this one on one time with her while I can.

(Right now it's after "nap time" and she's still playing in her crib.  I'm sitting in the chair in her room and she's roaring at me like a lion and asking me to roar back.  Anytime, Baby Girl, especially because it makes you smile and giggle.)

Salt N' Peppa

Lately the Toddler loves to play at the kitchen table.  She can move the chairs just enough to climb up on them and reach whatever is on the table. Today when she was playing at the table I moved a few dishes and some papers that I didn't want her playing with and the porcelain salt and pepper shakers we got in London a few years ago. I handed her a plastic cup and the metal salt and pepper shakers and let her keep playing.  About ten minutes later and she was happily and quietly still playing but I decided I had better check on her. She was covered in salt and pepper. The table was covered, the floor was covered, the chairs were covered, salt and pepper were everywhere! The dog was covered! I didn't know that much salt and pepper were even in the shakers! So, I did what any good momma does, grabbed my phone for some pictures and went to work cleaning up, laughing for a good solid ten minutes. And in case you're curious, the Dyson does pick up salt and pepper on my tiled kitchen floor.

Eliza and Ga

Eliza and Scooter getting acquainted.

Almost from the time we found out I was pregnant we worried about how Scooter (our 5 year old miniature schnauzer) would feel about the baby. Would he be protective? Would he be territorial? He didn't have a history of liking kids, but we hoped that he would feel differently about a baby in his own family.  For the first six months Scooter didn't really seem to like Eliza. He ignored her as much as possible, and as she grew to be aware of her surroundings she was more and more fascinated with Scooter. Scooter had a bad habit of waiting until Eliza was napping and then barking uncontrollably. He is usually quiet and lays in his spot on the couch, but if something gets him going, it's hard to get him to stop and it is loud and annoying.  Many a nap was interrupted by Scooter. We had heard that the baby will be used to sounds like dogs barking because she'll hear them while she's still in utero, but that didn't seem to help when Scooter got going.

Everything changed about the time we started to give Eliza solid foods.  Suddenly, she was interesting to the dog because she had food.  And she dropped food. And he could eat the dropped food. And that changed everything.  Instead of resenting Eliza or ignoring Eliza, Scooter became Eliza's best friend even when she didn't have food.  He was much more tolerant of her. She can play with him and he will play back in his own unique way. (He growls when he's playing, it makes other people nervous to watch, but we know it's his play mode.) He lets her grab his toys out of his mouth. He lets her hug him. The only time he gets frustrated with her is when he's in his kennel. And of course Eliza wants to be wherever Scooter is, so I'm trying to teach her that the kennel is Scooter's place and she needs to leave him alone when he's in there.

When we were in San Francisco recently Scooter went to stay with Shawn's brother who lives nearby. About halfway through the trip Eliza did the sign for dog (patting her leg) and then looked at us and said "Ga?" Ga is her word for Scooter. (She doesn't say Mama yet, but she has a word for the dog.) She wanted to know where Scooter was, and it melted our hearts.  When we came home from San Francisco Eliza chased Scooter all over the house yelling "Ga!" over and over again.  Our little family was reunited.

Not Ready

Today my baby girl turns one. I keep reading that when they turn one they are no longer babies but are now toddlers overnight.  I am not ready for that.  This year has been fast and slow, amazing and difficult all at the same time, but I am not ready for it to be over. I think back to a year ago, to waiting and hoping that she would come any day now.  I remember going to the hospital to be induced, then having a c-section, and finally after 9 months of pregnancy, 10 days overdue, 12 hours of labor in the hospital they placed this beautiful baby in my arms and I was forever changed. They tell you time goes fast, they tell you so much changes, but it was just yesterday that she was born, wasn't it?

It was just yesterday that we brought her home, that my Mom came to visit and lost our dog.  It was just yesterday that we figured out breastfeeding, that she smiled for the first time.  It was just yesterday that we moved her from her cradle to her crib, that she started solid foods, that she rolled over and sat up and crawled and took her first step.

And now my little tiny baby girl is marching all over the house.  She has an opinion about where she wants to go, but will cry when I leave the room without her. She talks and talks to us telling us so many things that I wish I could understand.  She points to things, sometimes to things that we are talking about, but usually she points and talks and I wish I knew what she was thinking. She gives hugs to the dog (but not Momma or Daddy), she knows the signs for milk, more, food, dog. She smiles and giggles at Daddy more than anyone else, but she cuddles into Momma when she's tired, hungry, or around new people. She loves wearing shoes and hats, but also loves to take them off. Her world has exploded this past month meeting family from Alaska, Indiana and New Mexico. She loves her cousins and loves to watch them play.

What happened to the newborn? I was always so excited to see what she was going to do next, but I also really tried to appreciate every moment, every stage, but they all flew by. I am not ready. I am not ready to put my baby to bed and wake up my toddler in the morning. I am not ready for her independence.

I love you Baby Girl.  I love you fiercely, in a way I think you will only understand when you become a momma yourself. I will embrace every change, be excited about every new thing you do, wether it's stacking blocks, or learning to read, or dancing about the house. But you will always be my newborn, my baby. I will always cherish the moments I held you in my arms and rocked you to sleep. I will look at you and see all the moments of you life all at once.  I see my newborn and my strong independent almost 1-year old, and the beautiful little girl you are becoming. You will always be my baby and I will always be your Momma.

The Last 6 Weeks. . .

I've been struggling a little bit lately with the "Homemaker" part of my new role as a stay at home mom.  I just can't seem to do everything I want to do.  Ideally I'd have a clean house, a meal on the table for my husband in the evenings, and an updated blog. But in real life the 30 minutes between Shawn texting me that he's on his way home and him showing up are the busiest 30 minutes of the day as I hurry to get dressed, make the bed, and quickly pick up the house.  And too many times none of that gets done and he walks into a mess and a wife who is still in her PJs.  And I feel like I've gotten nothing done the entire day.

I think back on my days and I'm busy! I pick up after a baby multiple times a day.  I still nurse her 6 times a day, I change her diaper, I feed her solids, we play together and read books.  I do laundry that might never get put away, but at least it's clean.  And that fills up my day.  Especially since lately I only have a baby who will sleep in my arms.

I did realize recently that I only have space for so much going on in my brain at once. I can only concentrate on one or two things that take effort at a time.  And lately those two things have been getting Eliza to nap and gain weight.  I simply can't worry about or focus on more than that or I might have a nervous break down.

Between Eliza's last two doctor visits she LOST weight.  That is the wrong way to be going on the scale, baby girl! I could tell she wasn't growing very fast, but had no idea that she was losing weight.  It was only a matter of ounces, not pounds, but still, it was the wrong direction.  So, the last six weeks we've been concentrating on getting her to gain weight through "power packing" her foods.  And then you need to add to that stress her getting sick and then getting the stomach flu, and not having any solids for a week.  So, we add butter or high fat yogurt to everything she eats.  I concentrate on proteins and dairy.  I have spent way too much time in the baby food aisle comparing calories between baby foods.  Pears have more calories than apples, and peas have more calories than green beans.  I bet you didn't know that. Three years ago I never would have thought I'd be standing in the yogurt aisle at Walmart at 10:00 on a Friday night trying to find the yogurt with the most calories and fat per serving. (Yoplait Baby yogurt and The Greek Gods Traditional Plain yogurt are the answers by the way.)

And then there's the napping situation. I've written about it before, so I won't go into it again, but let's just say, nothing has changed or gotten better and I'm just grateful when she gets a nap even if it means it's in my arms.

So, that's where all of my effort, concentration, stress has been going, and things like cleaning house, making dinner, blogging have all taken a back seat. Now that we've figured out more foods Eliza likes, and she's making headway on the eating I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulder, the clouds have drifted apart somewhat, and I can start to see what else needs work.  Next week we visit the pediatrician for a weight check and will find out if our efforts have paid off.  But Eliza already feels heavier to me and Shawn thinks she's getting a little belly.  I'm certain we'll be keeping with the power packing for a while, but maybe now I'll be able to concentrate on me every once in a while.  Oh yeah, and dinner.

Just Another Night

Shawn's been out of town so I've been single-mommying it for a week. His trip happened to be perfectly timed with Eliza's first cold.  At least he was here for the first couple of miserable days, but he left before she started to feel better.

I'm a night owl, AND I have a hard time falling asleep when Shawn's not home, so it's no surprise that I was up until 12:30am the other night.  What WAS a surprise was Eliza waking up at 1:00am.  I was pretty used to her 4:30am waking pattern.  And despite all of my best efforts, feeding her, walking, bouncing she was determined NOT to go back to sleep.  So, I pulled out the big guns, I grabbed Shawn's robe and held her and bounced her as he usually does. And it worked.  So, at 3:00am I found myself stumbling back into bed.  Only to be woken up at 4:30am with an upset belly!  I was confused, was I really sick?  I tried to ignore it and go back to sleep, but just kept waking up over and over.  Finally I trudged into the bathroom, and 30 minutes later, back in bed, feeling relieved and happy that the Pepto happened to be sitting on the bathroom counter. Then an hour later Shawn's alarm went off.  In my dizzy state I hit it and slapped at the alarm clock until it stopped.  10 minutes later I realized the beeping was NOT part of my dream and the darn thing was going off AGAIN! This time I put a little more effort into NOT hitting the snooze button, but still hit random buttons until it once again stopped.  Thankfully I accomplished my task. And then at 8:00 my living alarm clock (aka the baby) went off as well, and we were up for the day.

And you know, since becoming a parent, this is not such an unusual night.  Sure, Shawn's not always gone, he's usually around to help with the baby girl. And I don't usually get woken up by an upset belly.  But waking up three or four times a night is not that unusual anymore. And yes, we'll be doing some sleep training as soon as I can find a method I feel good about, but I also really love holding my sleeping baby in my arms in the middle of the night.

Eight Months

Dear Eliza,

You are eight amazing months old!  Your Daddy and I say that you get more and more fun every day.  You are crawling all over the place and climbing into things and getting into all sorts of mischief!  We are in for some trouble as you get more and more mobile! You still LOVE your walker and go cruising around in it at such speeds! You love to chase after Scooter who sometimes has a hard time getting away from you.  You also follow me around in it and I have to hurry so you don't run over my feet!

You are hot and cold on solid foods.  Sometimes you are all about solids and eat and eat and eat, and then other days we can't coax you to open your mouth for anything.  You like just about everything except peas.  You really hate peas. And there's no hiding them in something else, or adding cereal to make you take another bite.  You just hate peas. I think we'll give up on feeding you peas for a few months. You love to feed yourself Gerber Puffs. And Scooter loves it too because sometimes you drop them.  Scooter hangs out next to your high chair when you are eating, and when you eat at Grandma's house you look for Scooter. You've just started to sign "milk."  You will sign it if we ask if you want some milk, but you will also sign it when you are eating solids or if you are very tired. You still love to nurse and sometimes prefer nursing to eating anything solid.

You still love being naked. You cry when I change your diaper until you realize that I'm going to take your clothes off and then you are happy.  Until I put your clothes back on.  You prefer Daddy to change your diaper because he makes you giggle and squeal.  Daddy is usually the one to give you a bath and the two of you laugh and laugh.

Your sleeping is still as unpredictable as ever.  And sometimes I wish you could tell me if you are teething, or having a growth spurt, or had a bad dream or what in the world woke you up and isn't letting you go back to sleep at 4am!

You love to play peek-a-boo with your Daddy, but not so much with me.  You follow me around the house now crawling, or if you go off on your own will look to see if I'm following.  You love to stand up next to couches, or holding on to me. You love to walk with Daddy or I, but not so much when other people try to walk with you. You are just starting to get nervous around people you don't know very well or see very often. You need to take your time to get used to a situation and get comfortable.  But once you do you are giggly and smiley and love to explore. You've just figured out how to open drawers at our house but sometimes they close and your fingers get trapped inside.  I love how you look at me with this "why?" look on your face, and I love coming in to swoop you into my arms and save you.

I am so in love with you.  You make me laugh and smile every day. You keep me on my toes.

Love,

Momma

A reason to smile

It's a hard day.  A frustrating hard day.  My body is aching from the ballet class I took last night, the baby was up until 2am and back up at 6:30, then decided to skip her morning nap, and I really, really just need sleep.  Oh, what I would give for a nap right now.

But I can hear Eliza moving around in her playpen while I sit quietly out of view on the couch.  And then two little hands reach the top of the playpen and I know she's standing up trying to find me.  And then a tiny little head peeks out over the top of the playpen, she's looking around for me, but can't see me.  And then whomp, she falls down.  Over and over and over again.

How can I do anything but smile?

Seven Months!

Dear Eliza,

You are seven months old!  You are amazing and growing by leaps and bounds!  Just this last week you started crawling!  You've been doing the belly scoot and roll thing for a while but now you are hands and knees crawling everywhere! You are also so good at getting around in your walker.  You used to just stay in the kitchen, but now you go everywhere.  Lately your favorite place to explore is the hallway, and you'll follow Scooter wherever he goes. You haven't quite figured out how to pull yourself up to sitting or standing.

You love solid foods.  You love your cereal, sweet potatoes and yams.  You tolerate bananas.  You hate peas.  I think today we might try carrots.  We've given you a few of those baby puffs to try to eat, and while you can pick them up, and you know they go in your mouth, you haven't figured out how to put them from your hand into your mouth.  You grab the puff with your whole hand and lift it to your mouth, but won't open your fingers.  You'll catch on soon I'm sure. The first time we gave you puffs you picked them all up one at a time and dropped them in the highchair next to you.  You still love to nurse and have a great appetite as long as Daddy and Scooter don't distract you. You love your sippy cup filled with water, but haven't figured out that once you get the water in your mouth you are supposed to swallow it.  You prefer to just gnaw on the cup.

You love getting out and exploring new places and meeting new people, but you also need to take your time and look around for a while.  But once you are done looking around and get comfortable you are full of smiles and giggles.  You have started clapping!  You will clap in response to anyone who claps for you!

You had your first real illness, a sore throat.  But you are still a happy little girl and the only way we knew you were sick is because you woke up in the middle of the night screaming and tugging your ears.  Momma and Daddy decided to take you to the pediatrician who said your ears were fine, but you had a sore throat.

You like books and reading with Momma.  You like to try to change the pages.  You like tearing apart magazines.  You love your stacking cups and try hard to stack them like Momma, but usually just knock them down. You love exploring the house more than playing with toys, unless it's Momma's phone, which you'll play with happily for half an hour.

Lately you hate napping.  Momma has to trick you into taking a nap, but if you know it's coming you cry and cry. You're also not a fan of having your diaper changed, unless it's Daddy doing it, and then he sings to you and makes you laugh and squeal.

We love you and can't wait to see what's next!

Love,

Momma

Six Months!

Dear Eliza,

You are six months old (in Januray) and the word of the month is curiosity! You are such a curious baby! This month you have been exploring in your walker and you love going all over the kitchen.  If we open the fridge or the dishwasher you come right over to find out what's inside.  You have figured out how to open one of the drawers in the kitchen, but haven't figured out how to take anything out. . . yet. You aren't quite crawling, but I'm sure you will any day now.  You are rolling and scooting anywhere you want to go.  I've given up putting a blanket down for you to play one because you'll just roll right off of it. You love your friend the baby in the mirror and will play quite happily with her for half an hour. Your favorite toy is the water bottle that Momma filled with dried peas.  You love to roll it around or pick it up and listen to the peas rattle around inside.

You are still nursing exclusively but soon it will be time to try out solids.  You love to watch Daddy and I eat and follow our food from our plates to our mouths with real interest and will always reach out and try to grab the food off of our plates.

You are not particularly fond of your carseat or going places.  You don't mind getting in your carseat, but once you've been there for 20 minutes you are done and want out right now! When we drove to visit Grandma and Grandpa Walker in Wyoming you cried half the way there and wanted Momma sitting right next to you holding your hand or playing with you.

You love playing with Momma or Daddy's phones or the remote control for the TV.  You'll eat anything you can get your hands on.

You still love taking baths and being naked.  You love to splash and play with toys in the bathtub. You always try to drink the water or eat the washcloths.  You even pulled yourself up to standing in the bathtub and almost gave Momma a heart attack!

You are talking and your favorite word is "dadadadada." You used to say "mamama" but now it's all about dada. You'll also sometimes say "baba" or "ka." You wake up happy and will lay in your crib and talk to yourself when you wake up.  You love to talk in church especially, and will get quite loud as you give your opinion during the lesson. Daddy says you are just singing.

You have started to roll over to Momma and try to climb on her lap when you are tired. You are a good nighttime sleeper, but naps are still a little challenging.  Sometimes you are a great daytime napper and sometimes a nap is nowhere to be found!

Love,

Momma

Cute Baby Photo Friday

I love the little tongue sticking out.  

She's always such a happy giggly baby in the mornings!

Middle of the Night

Last night was one of those nights that every parent has experienced.  Eliza woke us up at her usual time (which I won't write down because Shawn doesn't like knowing what time it is when he gets up in the middle of the night) and I was strangely in a deep sleep.  I didn't know that I could sleep that deeply any more.  Shawn got up and changed her diaper, and it took me a few minutes for my body and mind to come together so that I could get up, walk down the hall, and take Eliza to nurse her.  She was crying by the time I took her from Shawn, she was hungry.  But she latched on quickly and quieted down and snuggled herself into my body.  I held her warm body close and rocked her.  Her small hand was cold and was restless, one minute hitting my cheek, the next fumbling with the cloth of my pajamas. I held her hand in mine to warm it up and to calm her down.  She finished eating and was wide awake, just looking around, so I sat her on my lap and sang our lullaby. I sat with her on my lap and she seemed the calm for a few minutes and then would talk and giggle and wiggle.  Where did this energy come from in the middle of the night? Usually she only nurses on one side in the middle of the night, but I put her on the other side as well, hoping it would calm her down, help her to fall asleep.  I put her lovey in her hand so it wouldn't explore like her hand on the first side.  It seemed to work, she fell asleep. But as if she was reading my thoughts as soon as I decided to move her to her crib, that she was asleep enough that she wouldn't wake and cry, she turned her head, looked at me and smiled, as if to say, "Ha! I fooled you! Silly Mommy!" And then she started to giggle and talk.  Oh, my sweet, adorable girl.

But, Mommy was tired and needing to get back to sleep.  I looked at the clock, we had been at this for well over an hour, I wanted to go get Shawn, to tag out, to tell him it was his turn.  But I waited and rocked, and held her hands and stroked her head with my cheek.  But she was still awake, still giggling, talking, looking around, happy.  I looked at the clock again and decided that I would give it 13 more minutes, and if she wasn't sleepy in 13 minutes I would tag Shawn in.  I stood up and started to do my best Momma bounce, the one that works to put her down for a nap every day.  And she didn't like it.  She started to get fussy, upset.  And five minutes later, with eight minutes to go, Shawn came to get her.  And we wordlessly passed her between us. Eliza loves her Daddy, I didn't hear another peep from her, she calmed down as soon as I put her in his arms. I handed him her lovey and softly closed the door behind me.  It had been 90 minutes.

Cute Baby Photo Friday

I like to call this photo "Hey look!  There's a baby in the mirror!"

Alternate title: I Can Sit Up!

Or: Momma Did Not Pick This Outfit

I Love You THIS Much

The following conversation happens three or four nights every week, whenever Shawn is the one to check on Eliza right before we go to bed. The lights are out and we're laying in bed just about to fall asleep.

Me: Is she OK?

Shawn: Yes

(pause)

Me: Is she breathing?

Shawn: Yes

(pause)

Me: Is she beautiful?

Shawn: (sigh) Yes

(pause)

Me:  Does she know how much we love her?

Shawn: Yes, now go to sleep.

It feels so important that Eliza knows how much I love her at every minute of the day.  I hope she can feel the love that is coming out of my every pore.  I adore that little girl, everything about her, and I want her to know that.  I think this must be genetic, or maybe a Mom thing because I recently found a Valentine's Day card my Mom sent me three or four years ago.  The line "Please know how much we love you" was repeated four times.

Thank you, Mom.  I now am beginning to understand how much you love me.  But you can keep telling me anytime you want.

Five Months

Dear Eliza,

You are five months old! And you are getting more and more fun every single day! You can now roll over from your back to your belly!  And now you LOVE being on your belly!  So much has changed!   You love Christmas Music!  Momma has a strict no Christmas music before Thanksgiving rule, but when we found out how much you love it she had to change her rule.

You love standing on your feet!  You are so close to sitting up.  We put you in your Bumbo but are more interested in leaning over to eat it than sitting up and looking around!

Momma is working on helping you sleep and it's working!  You are back to waking up once or twice a night (so much better than 3-4 times!) and napping is getting better.  Momma added reading a book to our pre-nap routine and that seems to have made a huge difference.  You will now nap for over an hour at least once a day rather than just 30 minutes at a time.

It's hard to get up in the middle of the night, but I secretly love it too.  I love holding you close as you nurse and fall back asleep.  I snuggle you a little tighter and kiss your sweet cheek before I put you back in your crib at night.

Daddy is your best comforter. If you don't want to eat it's Daddy you need in the middle of the night to help you sleep.

You smile at anyone who smiles at you.  When we go someplace new or different wether it's a store or Grandma Harrell's house you love to look around to take it all in.

You love Scooter.  And now that you are learning how to reach and grab you are more likely to reach out and grab for Scooter.  You can reach and grab things on purpose now, not just accidentally or in passing.  Momma loves to give you things to hold onto as we walk around the house, sometime's it's a clean diaper, sometimes it's a toy.

You love your cloth diaper burp rags. You love to hold them and grab them and pull them into your mouth.  We play a game where we cover your face with the cloth and I say "Where's Eliza?!" and then we uncover your face and you giggle and smile when I say "There she is!"  Now you are starting to move the cloth yourself and find me!

In the morning we sing "Oh what a beautiful morning!" and you always find my eyes and smile at me. And sometimes when you are sad I can sing that to you and you will smile at me.

Everything goes into your mouth now.  You put Momma and Daddy's hands in your mouth, all of your toys, anything you can grab.

You are still happy and sweet, a content baby.

We love you so much! We love spending time with you, how sweet you are, watching you sleep.  We love watching you learn and grow!

Love,

Momma

Blissfully Quiet

It's blissfully quiet in my house at the moment.  The baby is asleep, the dog has been put in his kennel for the night, and Shawn is at class.  It wasn't like this last night.  Last night was the hardest night I've had as a Momma so far.  Eliza's bed time is at 7, and we followed routine and she was down by 8.  But then at 9 she woke up, which is very strange for her, but we got her back to sleep.  Only to have her wake up again at 11:30, which is sadly when Shawn and I were heading to bed.  And then she kept us up literally all night long.  Shawn and I traded off taking care of her, and we would get her to sleep, put her back in her crib, and just as our heads hit the pillows and we thought, ah, sleep, she would start crying.  All. Night. Long.  We're pretty sure she had an upset belly last night.  Poor little thing.  We just didn't know how to help her, she was so sad, crying so much, not a happy camper.  And by 7:00 am when we were up for the day I was so exhausted I couldn't see straight and I kissed my poor exhausted husband goodbye for an incredibly long day.

But really, what I'm grateful for today are small tender mercies.  Because my day has been filled with them.  After not having slept I expected Eliza to be fussy all day long, but she wasn't.  Right from the beginning of the day she was smiling and happy.  She played with her toys so I could eat breakfast, she smiled and giggled at me.  Then my lovely parents watched Eliza so I could nap for a couple of hours at their house.  It is so nice to have someone I trust so completely with Eliza that I don't worry about her and can nap.  When we got home I was eating a bowl of cereal with Eliza on my lap and she reached out and grabbed the bowl and the cereal went all over the table, my jeans, the dog, and the floor.  And you know what I did?  I laughed!  I was so proud of her for reaching and grabbing and pulling and learning.  And I'm so glad for that tender mercy of my attitude at the end of a long day and long night.  Then at bathtime she started eating her toes and splashing and was just so happy again.

I was nervous about being a Momma, that I would be impatient and not understanding, especially with a little baby.  I know that there are still years to come, I know that I will have impatient moments, but I'm so glad, relieved, and thankful that today, which I expected to be hard and impossible was filled with joy and fun and a beautiful, happy baby.

Four Months!

Dear Eliza,

Four months!  I can't believe it!  You rolled over this month.  The first time it was an accident.  Then we went to visit Grandma and Grandpa in Wyoming and we couldn't stop you from rolling over from your belly to your back.  We tried to capture it on video, but every time you would roll before we could even get to our cameras.  It's made tummy time more challenging because you just won't stay on your belly!

One night you didn't sleep at all unless Momma or Daddy was holding you.  It was a hard night for all of us, but the next day you were your adorable self.  Spending the day with you, watching you smile and giggle made the night worth it.  That was the day you found your feet.  That was also the first time you grabbed Momma's cereal bowl and tipped it over all over the table, the floor, Momma and Scooter!  Momma was just so excited that you are learning new things, that you are reaching and grabbing that she laughed and laughed and let Scooter eat it all up.

You still love baths, and you love it most when Daddy bathes you.  You started to splash in the bathtub this month.  You love to be naked.  You hate it when we get you dressed in the morning and put pjs on after a bath.

You love music.  We also love the singer Adele.  Whenever we put her on in the car you calm down and fall asleep.

We go to Grandma and Grandpa Harrell's house every Wednesday.  Grandpa scares you a little bit, but you love being there, looking around at everything new.

We can't believe how much you are growing, how much more we love you every single day. You are a happy baby. You love to be held.  You love to bat at the toys in your play pen and can now grab them and sometimes even pull one down!

Sleeping has been challenging this month, you've stopped being a good night time sleeper and now get up 3-4 times every night.  Napping is still challenging, but we found a bottle you like!

Love,

Momma

3 Months!

Dear Eliza,

Oh my sweet girl, I can't believe that you are THREE MONTHS OLD!  You are sweet and smiley and such a joy.  My favorite time of day is when I get to come in and get you when you first wake up in the morning.  You are just laying there waiting for me and when you see me you get this huge grin on your face.  It melts my heart every time.  Last weekend when Daddy was home and we heard you awake we had a race to the nursery to see which one of us got to get you up.  You just looked back at us and smiled and giggled.  We just started putting you in a swaddling blanket that velcroes your arms in because just this last month your arms started waking you up in the night.  When we get you up in the morning and open up your swaddle blanket your arms go straight over your head and you stretch and stretch and make funny faces.  When you've finished stretching you go back to grinning you sweet toothless grin and giggling at us.  Your gummy smile is my favorite, but I can never quite capture it on film!

We've been working with you on taking a bottle this month, and you just refuse.  You used to cry and cry when we put a bottle in your mouth, but now you just sit there and let us hold it in your mouth.  You'll swallow eventually when enough milk drips in, but you refuse to suck on it.  You just don't know what to make of that plastic thing in your mouth.

We're also working on naps.  Just when I thinks I has nap time figured out you go and change your mind.  For a few weeks you would nap in your swing in the bathroom while I showered.  Then you would cry while I showered but would smile and fall asleep as soon as she got out of the shower.  Then you weren't content until you were back in my arms.  So, we'll keep working on nap time.

You still loves baths and bath time is probably your favorite time of day.  You love it when Daddy comes home and as soon as he walks in you only have eyes for him.  Even if you were starving hungry you'll stop nursing as soon as you hear Daddy's voice.  You're starting to be more aware of Scooter and you want to reach out and touch him.  Scooter is very patient with you, but still tries to get Momma or Daddy's attention when they are on the floor with you.  You definitely follow sound with your eyes and your whole head, and you'll follow Daddy too with your eyes when he's walking around.

You are still a great nurser, wanting to eat every two hours for anywhere from 20 minutes to a full hour.  You sleep so well at night usually only getting up once at night.  For five nights in a row you slept for 12 hours without getting up at all.  Momma and Daddy were grateful for the sleep, but I worried about you and still woke up at 4am and couldn't go back to sleep until I heard you on the monitor.  (Apparently I wasn't worried enough to actually get out of bed and check on you.)

You found your hands this month and will bring them together.  You also found your legs and when we change your diaper you always reach down and grab your legs.  You haven't quite found your feet yet, but I'm sure it's coming any day!  You hate tummy time with a passion and will scream until we pick you up.

We love you more and more every day baby girl!

Love,

Momma

Nursery

My favorite room in the house is now the nursery. I find myself in there throughout the day, even when I'm not nursing Eliza.  Here's a little tour.  I don't have the best camera, photography skills, or photo editing software, so enjoy them for what they are.

My favorite spot in the nursery is definitely this chair.  It was our splurge for the nursery, but for how many hours I spend sitting there holding Eliza it's totally worth it.  The blanket on the chair was made by my lovely mother, and the blanket on the crib is from Shawn's Grandmother Helen Walker, whom Eliza's middle name come from.  (Chair from Buy Buy Baby, crib from Babies R Us, table from Ikea, lamp from Target, drapes from Ikea)

This is our changing table/dresser which I love, and our big blank wall I don't know quite what to do with.  I want to put the Alphabet on that wall, but I also want to hang something above the changing table that Eliza can look at while I'm changing her.  

We have a weird angled wall in the nursery, but it's the perfect spot for this bookcase. I love that it's filled with kids books that I've been collecting for years, books from my childhood, and new books just for Eliza.  

This is a close up of the top shelf of the bookcase.  It has two of my toys from childhood, my Annie doll, and my toy clock.  I also love the little ballet slippers, too bad they won't stay on Eliza's feet, and her ladybug bank from her Grandma Harrell.  The three photo books are still empty, and the basket contains her hair bows.  

I made this cute art piece for Eliza with a paper punch and scrapbooking papers I had around the house.  I love the little pop of color.

This is one of my favorite pieces in the nursery!  My Mom made this for her best friend in 1983 and it hung in her house ever since then.  When I had my baby LaryAnn gave it to me!  LaryAnn is my "second mother" and it means so much that it's both made by my Mom and from her best friend.  If you can't read it, it says "I hope my children look back on today/And see a mother who had time to play/There will be years for cleaning and cooking/For children grow up while we're not looking."  I think for me it might need to read "There will be years for email and facebooking."  

Shawn painted this when he was in gradeschool.  (There's a debate wether this was done when he was when he was in 1st grade or 5th grade.)  Grandma Walker had this hanging in her house for years, which of course makes it special. 

This is a painting done by Shawn's mom and it's one of his favorites.  Most of her paintings that we have are landscapes, so this one with kids is fun.  I like having things in the nursery that represent so much of Eliza's family.

Recently. . .

Things have been busy here in the Walker household and we've had no time to blog.  Except at night when I'm falling asleep and composing amazing blog posts in my head as I drift off.  Too bad those will never get published.  But I have a feeling they would be rather long, sometimes it takes a lot to get me to fall asleep.

What we've been up to recently:

• Experimenting with ways to get Eliza to A) nap and B) nap not in my arms after nursing.  For about 10 days she loved napping in her swing in the bathroom while I showered.  Then she would cry while I was in the shower, but fall asleep as soon as I got out.  Now she will do neither.  Sigh.  
• Right now she is sleeping in her swing with the vacuum running next to her.  At least my living room got vacuumed.  For the first time I find myself wishing our house was carpeted instead of mostly wood floors on the main level.  It doesn't take long enough to vacuum my 6'x4' rug.
• Bonus, vacuuming also drives Scooter nuts! It's kind of fun to watch him "attack" the vacuum.
• Thank goodness for white noise apps.  I was just able to stop the real vacuum and turn on the vacuum sound on my iphone.  I hope this lasts, mama needs a bit of a break!
• Lots of baking has happened around here.  I tried some awesome browned butter cookies I found on Pinterest.  I had wonderful plans to post about them, but that didn't happen.  The browned butter icing was the best part.  Seriously so good.
• We also made Cinnamon Rolls for General Conference Sunday.  Yum! And I used it as an excuse to make browned butter icing again.  Even better the second time.
• I baked Smitten Kitchen's Peach Pie with Creme Fraiche again this year.  
• We grew Kale in our yard, so we tried Kale chips and some Kale soup.  Neither was wonderful, so we'll be looking for new recipes.
• We went to the Home Show because we got free tickets and I was DESPERATE to get out of the house.  And then decided we're not Home Show people.  But it was nice to get dressed up (meaning makeup and earrings and an extra check of the clothes to make sure they didn't have spittup on them) and hold my husband's hand while walking around the Expo Center.

And for making it all the way through the post, here's a picture of the cutest member of our family.