Hospital Withdrawals

You know you've spent too much time in the hospital when:

• You are surprised by carpet under your feet and not cold linoleum every time you get out of bed.
• You feel the need to report every bodily function to someone
• You find yourself dialing "3663" on your phone to order food but no one ever answers
• You regularly look for the button on the bed that will help you sit up.
• You still wake up every 2 hours expecting the nurse to come take your vital signs

Even though I'm going through withdrawals from the amazing Cream Cheese Cookies I had at every meal, I'm so glad to be home.  And Eliza tells me every day "Glad you are home Momma!" We can't wait until we can bring Abigail and Kaitlin home with us too. 

Eliza playing in the lockers in the Family Room at the NICU

Kaitlin had her right chest tube removed today! The left chest tube had no "bubbles" for 18 hours and then had some between 6 and 7am, but the latest X-ray at 11:00am didn't show any air pockets. We're feeling much more optimistic than we were on Saturday. Thank you thank you thank you for all of your prayers and fasting and thoughts and meditations for our Kaitlin, we definitely feel them and feel that Kaitlin is making great improvement already. We just need the left lung to heal now!

Abigail is doing GREAT! I got to hold her for an hour last night skin to skin! She was pretty fussy until they put her on my chest, then she calmed right down and just wanted to look around. I think she didn't want to miss anything, she seemed to be struggling to stay awake. After about 30 minutes she fell asleep and was the most peaceful little thing. Holding her almost feels like holding a beanie baby or small stuffed animal on your chest, just so little and light. One of the nurses also put a purple bow in her hair!

Eliza has now seen the girls twice! She loves her baby sisters already and is very interested in touching them when we visit. She loves visiting the hospital even when we don't take her into the NICU. She played at a neighbor's house yesterday and was driving a little car they have saying "I'm driving to the hospital!" She's incredibly patient and compassionate. If I wince in pain she will come right over, pat my arm and say "It's OK Momma!" The other day I told her my belly hurt so she leaned over, kissed my belly and said "Feel better Momma!" 

One Week In

Eliza and my birthday ballons

Today is Day 7 being on hospital bed rest and as of 10:30pm it will have been a week since my water broke. So, here's an update:

Things are. . . the same.

Yep, nothing new to report. I'm still on bedrest. I'm still not having contractions.  The babies still look good. I'm off the constant monitoring of the babies, now it happens twice a day, right after I wake up and right before I go to sleep at night. And they look great.  We have learned from this that Baby A is pretty dependable, she's in the same place every day and it's easy to find her heartbeat. Baby B is our mover. She likes to run away from the monitor.  Just when the nurse is sure she has both babies heartbeats and walks out of the room Baby B will move and the nurse has to come in and reposition. The bad news about this is that sometimes it means I'm on the monitor for a LONG time. The good news is that I get more ultrasounds because she's such a stinker they need help finding her. I love any chance I get to see my babies and any chance I get to hear their hearts beating. I'm really curious to see what their personalities are like after they get here and if Baby B will be our feisty girl and Baby A will be our calm girl, or if Baby A is just calm because she can't move because her sister is sitting on top of her. (Just for the future Baby B, it is NOT acceptable to sit on your sister once you are out of the womb.) And we're testing out names for the babies so we don't have to keep calling them Baby A and Baby B. 

The exciting parts of my day include when I get to get up and shower and when Shawn and Eliza come to visit. I have things to do, knitting, a book to read, a photography class to complete. But I have to say I'm getting a little bit tired of these four walls. I haven't been out of this room since Sunday. I think a little field trip is in order! I'm setting up baby registries online and putting together photo books. I tried browsing clothes for "after" but that got a little depressing. 

There's your update.  Medically things are status quo. Otherwise I'm getting a little antsy. Feel free to text, call, email, send random jokes or inspirational articles!

Blessings

Just a cute picture of Eliza that has nothing to do with this post

I feel like I don't write much religious stuff on my blog. I think I've posted that I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, or I'm a Mormon. I just want to take a post to mention all the blessings that have come from the last few days.

Once we were told to go to the hospital Thursday night we had Lance (Shawn's brother) come over to stay with Eliza (first blessing, family nearby!) As soon as he got there he and Shawn gave me a Priesthood Blessing and immediately my worry went away and I was overwhelmed with peace. I was told in the blessing that we would receive the best possible outcome, that everything would be OK. Of course in my head I was hoping that meant my water hadn't ruptured and something else happened.

I felt that peace throughout Thursday night and Friday. And really we have been incredibly blessed by this situation. It is true that we are having the best possible scenario given the circumstances. I am not contracting, the babies look good, and my cervix is closed. I don't have an infection, and we are all healthy.

One huge concern I had was that my parents were at the family cabin and didn't plan on getting home until Saturday. And there's no cell coverage at the cabin. I texted them as soon as we found out what was going on, and then called them again the next morning, knowing that it would be hours to days before they got the messages. I just kept praying that they would need to get to a place with cell phone service for some reason. I called and texted my siblings (usually my Mom's job) and let them know what was going on and also that Mom and Dad were at the cabin.  My brother immediately responded and said he'd go get Mom and Dad.  My sister responded and just said she was on her way to the hospital
. My other sister said she'd stay at our house with Eliza that night and also take Scooter for several days. Amazing. My family jumped in just how I needed them.

And of course Shawn's family has been helpful too from Lance coming over Thursday night, to Dena getting us transferred to her OB practice in the middle of the night and also just being a reassuring presence who understands exactly what's going on.  Shawn's family is spread around more but each of them have been in touch and his parents are coming to take care of Eliza as much as we need.

Ward members mowed our lawn, we have more offers to take care of Eliza than we can utilize, and I can very much feel the prayers being said on our behalf. One small blessing that is very personal to me, one night I was in so much pain from the IV, just really suffering and feeling like every drip of antibiotic was a knife slicing through my hand. I was crying and I knew that nothing could take away the pain. I prayed and prayed for help. And then I thought of my babies and how I was going through this for them, and how if this really minimal pain would keep them safe longer I was completely willing to do it, and before long the pain disappeared and I was fine. I am grateful for that experience.

I have a testimony that there is a God, a kind, loving Heavenly Father who knows me as a daughter, an individual. He knows my fears, my wants, and my needs. He knows my baby girls better than I know them. I know that there is a purpose to this time and I may not get to understand it yet, but I have faith that there is a reason for all of this. I feel His love as I lay here in the hospital. I know He is also watching out for my Shawn and my Eliza. I am not alone in this.  The misery and pain and lonliness is not just felt by me, but is felt by my little family, and that makes me want to be brave for them. We will all get through this time. We will come out stronger on the other end.

Update

It's a good thing I had that lovely walk with Eliza Thursday morning because that night my water broke! I'm only 25 weeks! I had just turned out my light to go to sleep and felt a little trickle, and thought that's not right. I got up and the trickle turned into a gush. (sorry if that's too much information!) I woke up Shawn (who thought I had just lost bladder control, but I think that's what we were both secretly hoping for) and we called my OB.  She said I had two options, head to hospital A or head to hospital B, and then be transferred to hospital A. We were closer to A anyway so that's where we went.  And they confirmed that my water broke. And then told us what we didn't want to hear. That I wasn't going to be leaving the hospital any time soon. So, if you don't want in depth information, here's the Cliff Notes version: I'm in the hospital until I deliver the babies.  We're hoping I make it to 34 weeks which means a little over 8 weeks in the hospital. I'm not contracting and the babies look good, so we're very optimistic. We have family taking care of Eliza, and Shawn's been here with me all weekend but will go back to work on Monday.  We need him to be able to take as much time off as possible once the babies do come!

OK, here's the long version.

After being all night at hospital A getting checked out, monitoring the babies, getting my first dose of steroids to help the girl's lungs develop, and lots of antibiotics in case of infection, we found out that the NICU at that hospital was full, so they were transferring us to Hospital C! We tried to sleep while waiting for the ambulance to take me away, but really neither of us could sleep so we were up all night.  Finally around 5:30 am the ambulance came and I was taken 30 minutes away to Hospital C complete with lights and sirens.  Very surreal.  I kept asking myself if I was going to wake up in my own bed.  It's also strange to leave your sleeping child in the middle of the night and then find out you aren't going to be going home for 2 months! No more of my bed! I left dirty dishes in the sink! I was going to paint flowers on the wall in Eliza's new big girl room! I was going to move her to a big girl bed! I was going to get her hair cut! Now I won't be doing any of those things!

The first 48 hours after your water breaks most women go into labor and give birth. So, for us it was a "let's get past 48 hours" waiting game. My regular OB does not deliver here, so I've been transferred to a new practice, which is a blessing because my sister-in-law, Dena is a midwife with that practice and was able to pull some 4am strings as soon as she found out we were coming here and so we're in her practice.  Everyone speaks very highly of them, and so far we like all the doctors we've met.

We had another ultrasound which confirmed the babies look great. Baby A is 1lb 13 oz and is the one whose water broke. Baby B is 2lb even and is a couple of days ahead of Baby A. But all the anatomy is right on, their hearts look good, and other than being low on amniotic fluid around Baby A, they babies are perfect! (Oh, and I'll continue to produce amniotic fluid, so they'll still be some around Baby A at all times, just lower than Baby B.) We've learned about the risk signs for early labor or for other things that can go wrong (infection, prolapsed cord, placenta previa) and are watching out for those. But I'm not having contractions, my blood pressure is good, and no fever so really, we have the best possible outcome given the circumstances.

The first 48 hours I had to be monitored constantly with three monitors on my belly, one for each baby and one for my uterus to measure contractions. I also had two IV antibiotics. It was just annoying because any time I would move the monitors would also need to be moved.  And we have learned that Baby B is our dancer, she likes to dance and move around. Just when you think you have found her on the monitor she will duck away somewhere else. One of the babies had hiccups the other day which made it so we couldn't find the heartbeats for either baby. While annoying, it's also so comforting to hear the heartbeats or look over and see them up on the screen.

One of the two antibiotics I received was incredibly painful for some reason. It just felt like my arm was being sliced open every time it would drip into my vein.  I went through 5 out of 8 doses and then a nurse noticed that my arm around the IV was getting hard so they would need to start a new IV, and the doctor said that I could switch to oral antibiotics! First victory! No more arm pain, and one less cord to drag behind me when I get up to use the bathroom.

Sleep the last two nights here in the hospital has been elusive mostly due to the monitors. Even just adjusting an inch or two to get more comfortable knocks the monitors or moves the babies and they have to come readjust. Plus I still get to take pills in the middle of the night AND they check my vitals every couple of hours.  I've had to take some sleeping pills, but am hoping tonight I can get to sleep on my own.

But the biggest happiest news of all came this morning when they said they could take the monitors off! YAY! I will still get checked twice a day for about 30 minutes but I can move without worrying, I can go to the bathroom without having to get unplugged, and I can see and feel my belly again! AND I also got wheelchair privileges twice a day, and included in that I can shower! So this morning I showered and washed my hair and finally feel clean and a bit better.  Here's a "photo booth" picture of me. Hospital Day 3, wet hair (which is why it looks so dark) and no makeup.  But feeling in good spirits.