Friday, July 6, 2012

40 weeks, 6 days. . .

Baby Girl Walker is not making any sort of movements that she either wants to or is planning on making her entrance into this world any time soon, but here are my top 10 signs it's time for her to come:

1) The carseat has been installed (for 2 weeks!)
2) I finished the pregnancy book I bought the week I found out I was expecting.
3) I finished the most dreaded task on my to do list
4) I ran out of all of the pre-natal vitamin samples my sister-in-law, the midwife, gave me.
5) The Nursery is ready and waiting.
6) I am done with work (again, 2 weeks ago).
7) My Mom is done with working in the Temple for the summer (she didn't want the baby to come before she finished at the Temple so she could come and stay with us for the first few days.)
8) Shawn's papers are all written.
9) The closets have been organized.
10) The cradle Shawn's parents made for us has been delivered and is sitting in our bedroom waiting.

See Baby?  It's time for you to come!  Well, I'm off to my OB's office for a Non-Stress Test.  We're scheduled for an induction on Tuesday if she doesn't make her own appearance into this world before that.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Having It All

I love this post by The Frugal Girl about "having it all."  It's definitely been on my mind as I decided wether or not to continue to work after Baby Girl Walker joined our family.  I have to agree with her in so many ways, to me "having it all" never included having a family and a career.  When I was in my 20's I might have wanted both, but the older I've gotten, the longer I was in a career, the longer I waited to start my family, the more I've wanted to be able to stay home with my children.  I definitely have friends who are moms who work full time, and while some of them do it out of necessity, and some of them do it out of choice, I don't know that any of them would say that they "had it all."  Just in the last week and a half that I've been at home waiting for Baby Girl I've definitely wondered if I made the right choice, if I'll be happy being home all the time, taking on most of the housework and cleaning and child care.  I realize that I might have to take a part time job, not just for financial reasons, but maybe for my mental stability having worked outside the home for more than half of my life.  But at the same time I love that for right now my focus can be on Baby Girl (when she decides to come that is) and Shawn.  And I'll figure out the cooking and cleaning and homemaking, and who knows, I might love it.  And here's to the opportunity to figure out what "having it all" means to me!

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

A New Debate

The photo in question. . .
Yesterday on Facebook I had several friends request an update, was I giving birth?  What was the news? So, I decided to answer their questions by posting a picture of my baby bump saying "I'm Still Here."  This morning my niece, who is 13, decided to share my photo on her wall.  Which brings up a whole new debate for me, privacy issues online, especially when it concerns my soon to be here little girl.

So, back before I was married I was pretty private online.  My pictures were marked so that only friends could see them.  I only had adult friends who I knew in person and who didn't feel the need to post my photos on their walls.  Then I got married, to a person who has a facebook account who doesn't really use it.  And then I started to get friend requests from his friends and family members whom I didn't necessarily know.  But I accepted them because they were now my friends and family, even if I had never met them.  Strange how marriage changes your definition of friends and family.  And when it came time to post pictures of our wedding online, I knew that there were friends and family of Shawn who would want to see them, so I marked "friends of friends" on the privacy of those albums so that Shawn's friends I didn't know would be able to see them.  And it's actually been nice to read those comments too.  And I was fine with it, until this morning.

Now, I know my cute niece didn't mean anything by taking my photo and sharing it on her facebook wall.  She just thought it was cute.  Our dog is in it too, and she LOVES our dog.  But I feel strangely protective of it.  You can't see my face, but it is a shot of my belly afterall!  And what happens once the baby comes?  I want to be protective of images of our child, but at the same time, I want to share it with those who are important to Shawn and I.  But I don't want THEM to have the ability to continue to share that image.  And so far looking into it, the only way to protect that image is to mark it as "friends only" can see it.  Which eliminates some of Shawn's friends and family who aren't my friends.

And when you start thinking of privacy online I naturally have to think about this blog too.  How much am I going to share on this blog about my child?  Will I show pictures of her?  And while I don't like the idea of making this blog private, I also don't like the idea of strangers having access to pictures of my child.  I like this as a place to share things, thoughts about how my life is changing as I become a mother and wife, stories about motherhood and marriage and just life.  But now I feel like I need to think of clear parameters, what is for public consumption and what is too private to share?

How about you?  Those of you who are parents, how have you handled this debate?  And even if you aren't parents, how do you decide what to share online?

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

I'm Still Here. . .

Well, my due date has come and gone.  I'm still here, still pregnant, still just waiting.  I might have begun the official nesting phase, but personally I feel like it's more because I'm bored that I'm cleaning out closets than because I'm nesting.  So far the kitchen drawers have been reorganized, the hall linen closet has been reorganized, and the cabinet in the master bedroom has been cleaned out, all tonight.  Shawn is even installing a dimmer switch in the nursery as I write this.

If you are friends with me in real life you likely know that I left my job to be a stay at home mom.  I do hope to write a post about that decision, it certainly wasn't one that was made quickly or lightly.  I've been unemployed for just over a week, and part of me still feels like I'm just on vacation and will be returning to work soon.  Part of me is kicking myself that I'm 3 days overdue and I could be working because really I feel great, and we need that money, and blah blah blah.  But most of me knows that work was so hard at the end, just getting there every day had become a real accomplishment.  It's hard to get out of bed early in the morning when you are exhausted all the time, and the hour long commute had become pure torture by the end.

So, here I am sitting around my house spending a lot of time reading one of my favorite books (it's 900+ pages, so it's taking a while) and catching up on facebook, and emailing friends from my office every day.  If I get one thing done from my to do list every day I feel like I've accomplished something. I get tired very easily and have to sit down a lot.

I go to bed every night wondering if tonight is the night, if I'll be woken up with contractions or my water breaking.  And every time I do wake up in the middle of the night I lay there for a moment analyzing my body, trying to figure out what woke me up, contraction? The ever present need to go to the bathroom? A cramp? Just need to turn over?  Every morning I wake up with a mixture of relief and disappointment.  I know it's necessary, but I'm still a bit apprehensive about the whole labor and giving birth to a baby thing.  And don't even get me started on the bringing home a baby and being responsible thing.

I was really REALLY hoping she would come in June.  I really wanted a June baby, and even more I wanted her to be born on June 29, my Grandma Knudsen's birthday.  No such luck.  And now I equally want her to be born on July 4th so she comes and don't want her to be born on July 4th so she doesn't have a holiday for her birthday.

But, there is an end in sight.  After tests and talking with my Dr. we've decided that if she doesn't come by July 10th I'll be induced.  One week left.  I still want her to come on her own, but at the same time am so relieved to know that there is a definite end date.

I've got lots of great posts in mind, and maybe with all this waiting for Baby Girl to come I'll actually get to them.  Is it nesting if it's getting my blog in order?