I'm Still Here. . .

Well, my due date has come and gone.  I'm still here, still pregnant, still just waiting.  I might have begun the official nesting phase, but personally I feel like it's more because I'm bored that I'm cleaning out closets than because I'm nesting.  So far the kitchen drawers have been reorganized, the hall linen closet has been reorganized, and the cabinet in the master bedroom has been cleaned out, all tonight.  Shawn is even installing a dimmer switch in the nursery as I write this.

If you are friends with me in real life you likely know that I left my job to be a stay at home mom.  I do hope to write a post about that decision, it certainly wasn't one that was made quickly or lightly.  I've been unemployed for just over a week, and part of me still feels like I'm just on vacation and will be returning to work soon.  Part of me is kicking myself that I'm 3 days overdue and I could be working because really I feel great, and we need that money, and blah blah blah.  But most of me knows that work was so hard at the end, just getting there every day had become a real accomplishment.  It's hard to get out of bed early in the morning when you are exhausted all the time, and the hour long commute had become pure torture by the end.

So, here I am sitting around my house spending a lot of time reading one of my favorite books (it's 900+ pages, so it's taking a while) and catching up on facebook, and emailing friends from my office every day.  If I get one thing done from my to do list every day I feel like I've accomplished something. I get tired very easily and have to sit down a lot.

I go to bed every night wondering if tonight is the night, if I'll be woken up with contractions or my water breaking.  And every time I do wake up in the middle of the night I lay there for a moment analyzing my body, trying to figure out what woke me up, contraction? The ever present need to go to the bathroom? A cramp? Just need to turn over?  Every morning I wake up with a mixture of relief and disappointment.  I know it's necessary, but I'm still a bit apprehensive about the whole labor and giving birth to a baby thing.  And don't even get me started on the bringing home a baby and being responsible thing.

I was really REALLY hoping she would come in June.  I really wanted a June baby, and even more I wanted her to be born on June 29, my Grandma Knudsen's birthday.  No such luck.  And now I equally want her to be born on July 4th so she comes and don't want her to be born on July 4th so she doesn't have a holiday for her birthday.

But, there is an end in sight.  After tests and talking with my Dr. we've decided that if she doesn't come by July 10th I'll be induced.  One week left.  I still want her to come on her own, but at the same time am so relieved to know that there is a definite end date.

I've got lots of great posts in mind, and maybe with all this waiting for Baby Girl to come I'll actually get to them.  Is it nesting if it's getting my blog in order?