Every day I hit this crossroad. Do I let Eliza nap peacefully in my arms, or do I attempt to put her in her crib? I know if I let her nap in my arms that she will get a good nap, but I'm also reinforcing that my arms are the only place to nap, and I'm not getting the nap time break I need to get anything done. But if I try to put her down there's a 89% chance she'll wake up, and the nap is over. Even if I leave her in her crib to cry and hopefully fall asleep, that has never happened at nap time and then I'm just stressed because my baby is crying and I lock myself in the bathroom for 10 minutes so I don't hear her cry and then I still am not getting anything done, baby is cranky and I'm stressed. But there is that 11% chance she'll stay asleep and I can eat lunch and get something done with both of my hands.
So, here I sit at my crossroads, a sleeping baby in my arms, typing away on my phone. I want my baby to nap on her own, with all my heart I do. But today I can't handle the crying and the cranky baby. I'm just not that strong usually. And she's been sick, so every nap, even in my arms, is a blessing these days. Maybe one day soon I'll work up the courage to let her cry at nap time. But today I choose sleep and peace.