I've been struggling a little bit lately with the "Homemaker" part of my new role as a stay at home mom. I just can't seem to do everything I want to do. Ideally I'd have a clean house, a meal on the table for my husband in the evenings, and an updated blog. But in real life the 30 minutes between Shawn texting me that he's on his way home and him showing up are the busiest 30 minutes of the day as I hurry to get dressed, make the bed, and quickly pick up the house. And too many times none of that gets done and he walks into a mess and a wife who is still in her PJs. And I feel like I've gotten nothing done the entire day.
I think back on my days and I'm busy! I pick up after a baby multiple times a day. I still nurse her 6 times a day, I change her diaper, I feed her solids, we play together and read books. I do laundry that might never get put away, but at least it's clean. And that fills up my day. Especially since lately I only have a baby who will sleep in my arms.
I did realize recently that I only have space for so much going on in my brain at once. I can only concentrate on one or two things that take effort at a time. And lately those two things have been getting Eliza to nap and gain weight. I simply can't worry about or focus on more than that or I might have a nervous break down.
Between Eliza's last two doctor visits she LOST weight. That is the wrong way to be going on the scale, baby girl! I could tell she wasn't growing very fast, but had no idea that she was losing weight. It was only a matter of ounces, not pounds, but still, it was the wrong direction. So, the last six weeks we've been concentrating on getting her to gain weight through "power packing" her foods. And then you need to add to that stress her getting sick and then getting the stomach flu, and not having any solids for a week. So, we add butter or high fat yogurt to everything she eats. I concentrate on proteins and dairy. I have spent way too much time in the baby food aisle comparing calories between baby foods. Pears have more calories than apples, and peas have more calories than green beans. I bet you didn't know that. Three years ago I never would have thought I'd be standing in the yogurt aisle at Walmart at 10:00 on a Friday night trying to find the yogurt with the most calories and fat per serving. (Yoplait Baby yogurt and The Greek Gods Traditional Plain yogurt are the answers by the way.)
And then there's the napping situation. I've written about it before, so I won't go into it again, but let's just say, nothing has changed or gotten better and I'm just grateful when she gets a nap even if it means it's in my arms.
So, that's where all of my effort, concentration, stress has been going, and things like cleaning house, making dinner, blogging have all taken a back seat. Now that we've figured out more foods Eliza likes, and she's making headway on the eating I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulder, the clouds have drifted apart somewhat, and I can start to see what else needs work. Next week we visit the pediatrician for a weight check and will find out if our efforts have paid off. But Eliza already feels heavier to me and Shawn thinks she's getting a little belly. I'm certain we'll be keeping with the power packing for a while, but maybe now I'll be able to concentrate on me every once in a while. Oh yeah, and dinner.