It's blissfully quiet in my house at the moment. The baby is asleep, the dog has been put in his kennel for the night, and Shawn is at class. It wasn't like this last night. Last night was the hardest night I've had as a Momma so far. Eliza's bed time is at 7, and we followed routine and she was down by 8. But then at 9 she woke up, which is very strange for her, but we got her back to sleep. Only to have her wake up again at 11:30, which is sadly when Shawn and I were heading to bed. And then she kept us up literally all night long. Shawn and I traded off taking care of her, and we would get her to sleep, put her back in her crib, and just as our heads hit the pillows and we thought, ah, sleep, she would start crying. All. Night. Long. We're pretty sure she had an upset belly last night. Poor little thing. We just didn't know how to help her, she was so sad, crying so much, not a happy camper. And by 7:00 am when we were up for the day I was so exhausted I couldn't see straight and I kissed my poor exhausted husband goodbye for an incredibly long day.
But really, what I'm grateful for today are small tender mercies. Because my day has been filled with them. After not having slept I expected Eliza to be fussy all day long, but she wasn't. Right from the beginning of the day she was smiling and happy. She played with her toys so I could eat breakfast, she smiled and giggled at me. Then my lovely parents watched Eliza so I could nap for a couple of hours at their house. It is so nice to have someone I trust so completely with Eliza that I don't worry about her and can nap. When we got home I was eating a bowl of cereal with Eliza on my lap and she reached out and grabbed the bowl and the cereal went all over the table, my jeans, the dog, and the floor. And you know what I did? I laughed! I was so proud of her for reaching and grabbing and pulling and learning. And I'm so glad for that tender mercy of my attitude at the end of a long day and long night. Then at bathtime she started eating her toes and splashing and was just so happy again.
I was nervous about being a Momma, that I would be impatient and not understanding, especially with a little baby. I know that there are still years to come, I know that I will have impatient moments, but I'm so glad, relieved, and thankful that today, which I expected to be hard and impossible was filled with joy and fun and a beautiful, happy baby.