Introducing. . .

Eliza Helen Walker

July 10, 2012 9:40pm

7lbs 2oz 20.5 inches

Thanks for the photo Laura Durham

40 weeks, 6 days. . .

Baby Girl Walker is not making any sort of movements that she either wants to or is planning on making her entrance into this world any time soon, but here are my top 10 signs it's time for her to come:

1) The carseat has been installed (for 2 weeks!)
2) I finished the pregnancy book I bought the week I found out I was expecting.
3) I finished the most dreaded task on my to do list
4) I ran out of all of the pre-natal vitamin samples my sister-in-law, the midwife, gave me.
5) The Nursery is ready and waiting.
6) I am done with work (again, 2 weeks ago).
7) My Mom is done with working in the Temple for the summer (she didn't want the baby to come before she finished at the Temple so she could come and stay with us for the first few days.)
8) Shawn's papers are all written.
9) The closets have been organized.
10) The cradle Shawn's parents made for us has been delivered and is sitting in our bedroom waiting.

See Baby?  It's time for you to come!  Well, I'm off to my OB's office for a Non-Stress Test.  We're scheduled for an induction on Tuesday if she doesn't make her own appearance into this world before that.

Having It All

I love this post by The Frugal Girl about "having it all."  It's definitely been on my mind as I decided wether or not to continue to work after Baby Girl Walker joined our family.  I have to agree with her in so many ways, to me "having it all" never included having a family and a career.  When I was in my 20's I might have wanted both, but the older I've gotten, the longer I was in a career, the longer I waited to start my family, the more I've wanted to be able to stay home with my children.  I definitely have friends who are moms who work full time, and while some of them do it out of necessity, and some of them do it out of choice, I don't know that any of them would say that they "had it all."  Just in the last week and a half that I've been at home waiting for Baby Girl I've definitely wondered if I made the right choice, if I'll be happy being home all the time, taking on most of the housework and cleaning and child care.  I realize that I might have to take a part time job, not just for financial reasons, but maybe for my mental stability having worked outside the home for more than half of my life.  But at the same time I love that for right now my focus can be on Baby Girl (when she decides to come that is) and Shawn.  And I'll figure out the cooking and cleaning and homemaking, and who knows, I might love it.  And here's to the opportunity to figure out what "having it all" means to me!

A New Debate

The photo in question. . .

Yesterday on Facebook I had several friends request an update, was I giving birth?  What was the news? So, I decided to answer their questions by posting a picture of my baby bump saying "I'm Still Here."  This morning my niece, who is 13, decided to share my photo on her wall.  Which brings up a whole new debate for me, privacy issues online, especially when it concerns my soon to be here little girl.

So, back before I was married I was pretty private online.  My pictures were marked so that only friends could see them.  I only had adult friends who I knew in person and who didn't feel the need to post my photos on their walls.  Then I got married, to a person who has a facebook account who doesn't really use it.  And then I started to get friend requests from his friends and family members whom I didn't necessarily know.  But I accepted them because they were now my friends and family, even if I had never met them.  Strange how marriage changes your definition of friends and family.  And when it came time to post pictures of our wedding online, I knew that there were friends and family of Shawn who would want to see them, so I marked "friends of friends" on the privacy of those albums so that Shawn's friends I didn't know would be able to see them.  And it's actually been nice to read those comments too.  And I was fine with it, until this morning.

Now, I know my cute niece didn't mean anything by taking my photo and sharing it on her facebook wall.  She just thought it was cute.  Our dog is in it too, and she LOVES our dog.  But I feel strangely protective of it.  You can't see my face, but it is a shot of my belly afterall!  And what happens once the baby comes?  I want to be protective of images of our child, but at the same time, I want to share it with those who are important to Shawn and I.  But I don't want THEM to have the ability to continue to share that image.  And so far looking into it, the only way to protect that image is to mark it as "friends only" can see it.  Which eliminates some of Shawn's friends and family who aren't my friends.

And when you start thinking of privacy online I naturally have to think about this blog too.  How much am I going to share on this blog about my child?  Will I show pictures of her?  And while I don't like the idea of making this blog private, I also don't like the idea of strangers having access to pictures of my child.  I like this as a place to share things, thoughts about how my life is changing as I become a mother and wife, stories about motherhood and marriage and just life.  But now I feel like I need to think of clear parameters, what is for public consumption and what is too private to share?

How about you?  Those of you who are parents, how have you handled this debate?  And even if you aren't parents, how do you decide what to share online?

I'm Still Here. . .

Well, my due date has come and gone.  I'm still here, still pregnant, still just waiting.  I might have begun the official nesting phase, but personally I feel like it's more because I'm bored that I'm cleaning out closets than because I'm nesting.  So far the kitchen drawers have been reorganized, the hall linen closet has been reorganized, and the cabinet in the master bedroom has been cleaned out, all tonight.  Shawn is even installing a dimmer switch in the nursery as I write this.

If you are friends with me in real life you likely know that I left my job to be a stay at home mom.  I do hope to write a post about that decision, it certainly wasn't one that was made quickly or lightly.  I've been unemployed for just over a week, and part of me still feels like I'm just on vacation and will be returning to work soon.  Part of me is kicking myself that I'm 3 days overdue and I could be working because really I feel great, and we need that money, and blah blah blah.  But most of me knows that work was so hard at the end, just getting there every day had become a real accomplishment.  It's hard to get out of bed early in the morning when you are exhausted all the time, and the hour long commute had become pure torture by the end.

So, here I am sitting around my house spending a lot of time reading one of my favorite books (it's 900+ pages, so it's taking a while) and catching up on facebook, and emailing friends from my office every day.  If I get one thing done from my to do list every day I feel like I've accomplished something. I get tired very easily and have to sit down a lot.

I go to bed every night wondering if tonight is the night, if I'll be woken up with contractions or my water breaking.  And every time I do wake up in the middle of the night I lay there for a moment analyzing my body, trying to figure out what woke me up, contraction? The ever present need to go to the bathroom? A cramp? Just need to turn over?  Every morning I wake up with a mixture of relief and disappointment.  I know it's necessary, but I'm still a bit apprehensive about the whole labor and giving birth to a baby thing.  And don't even get me started on the bringing home a baby and being responsible thing.

I was really REALLY hoping she would come in June.  I really wanted a June baby, and even more I wanted her to be born on June 29, my Grandma Knudsen's birthday.  No such luck.  And now I equally want her to be born on July 4th so she comes and don't want her to be born on July 4th so she doesn't have a holiday for her birthday.

But, there is an end in sight.  After tests and talking with my Dr. we've decided that if she doesn't come by July 10th I'll be induced.  One week left.  I still want her to come on her own, but at the same time am so relieved to know that there is a definite end date.

I've got lots of great posts in mind, and maybe with all this waiting for Baby Girl to come I'll actually get to them.  Is it nesting if it's getting my blog in order?

Oh yeah, I'm pregnant!

Here I am, 8.5 months pregnant, and it's still surprising to me.  I really have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I'm pregnant, and then again around the fact that in just a couple of short weeks I will no longer be pregnant, but will be a Mom!  I never really thought I would be pregnant.  I thought I would be a Mom, but strangely I never thought that I would get there the normal way.  I had a pretty strong feeling all through my teenage years and adulthood that I would adopt, but that I would never carry a baby.  And here I am, feeling like a whale, huge and ready to pop. Sometimes I catch the sight of myself in a mirror and an so surprised that I'm pregnant, and that I've reached the huge point.  And on the very rare occasion when I've found a comfortable position to sleep in I'll wake up and try to move and have to remind myself that Oh, yeah, I'm pregnant.  I also have to remind myself that it's not going to be like this forever.  One day it won't be quite so difficult to turn over in my sleep. One day I'll be able to look at my whole closet again, not just the small portion with maternity clothes.  One day I'll feel confident enough in my balance to wear my beautiful high heels again, and maybe I'll even be able to do it while carrying this little girl in my arms.  One day soon I'll be on the other side of this pregnancy, and then I can start thinking about how strange it is that I am now a Mother.

Five Examples of Motherhood

As I contemplate becoming a mother (in less than a month!) I think of the great mothering examples I've had in my life.  There are surely countless women I could add to this list, the Orlobs, Judy Cannon, Shawn's Mother all come to mind, but these are the examples that truly stand out for me.

Diana Wiseman is my childhood best friend's mom.  I'm sure that in the summer months I spent more time at her house than my own.  Diana was always kind to me, but not afraid to discipline me when I needed it or send me home when I'd overstayed my welcome.  Diana taught me the importance of suncreen which she liberally slathered all over her girls all summer long, and posture.  I remember being 14 and staying with the Wiseman family for a week and having dinner.  I sat up my tallest with my best posture knowing that Diana would tell her girls to sit up straight.  At the end of the meal she complimented my on my posture and I think it was the best compliment I ever got from her!

Lary Ann Bateman was my second mom growing up.  She is my Mother's best friend and she lived just down the street from us.  LaryAnn gave me my first babysitting job, and probably fired me from it too.  She would let me sit on her lap and drive her car down our dead end street.  She taught me how to make Quesidillas and about Ebelskeevers.  She makes the best home made rootbeer and carmel popcorn.  She is the first person I know who has this ability to make everyone she comes in contact with feel like her best friend.  All through school everyone I came in contact knew LarryAnn, and for good reason.  She knows how to love unconditionally.

Stacey is my oldest sister.  I remember being small, about 4 years old when my parents were going out for the night and my Mom put Stacey in charge.  I cried and cried about wanting my Mommy when Stacey, who was only 12 or 13 said she would be my Mommy for the night, my other mommy.  It worked and a few days later I cried and cried and when my Mom asked what was wrong I proclaimed "I want my Mommy!"  Exasperated, she said "I'm right here!" and I said "NO!  I want my STACEY MOMMY!"  Stacey has always been the coolest person I know, the kind of person who you want to be in her group.  Whatever she's doing seems to be the funnest, and she draws people to her.  She has been another mother to me all of my life advising me on boys and surviving teenage hood and broken hearts.  But what's truly remarkable is seeing my sister become a mom herself.  She is the best Mom, with endless patience for her son, and endless joy.  My niece said once that Stacey was her favorite Aunt now because Stacey was more fun, and I couldn't disagree.  I'm so glad my kids will have Stacey as an Aunt.

David is my brother, my sibling closest to my age.  I know it's a little nontraditional to list a man in a list of mothers, but my brother is an amazing single Dad.  He lives in Alaska, so I don't get to see him often, but every time I do I am impressed by his ability to parent his girls.  His oldest is the smartest kid I know, waxing on and on about geography at five years old.  His youngest is as stubborn as can be, and to watch him patiently work with her, whether it's to convince her to wash her face or just listen to her talk, I think it's remarkable.  He loves them fiercely for the independent people they are.  I hope I can appreciate my children for who they are the way David appreciates his.

And really, what would any motherhood list be without including my own Mom, Mary Jo Harrell? I don't really know where to start here.  My Mom has always been my example.  I've been so lucky to be the youngest, and live at home the longest, so I have gotten to know my Mother as a woman and friend.  I know her flaws, but also understand them, and that is so helpful to me as I become a Mom.  My Mom taught me love for reading and learning.  She went to college when I was a little girl, teaching me the importance of higher education, but when she saw that her family needed her more, she quit, teaching me that I (and my siblings) are the most important thing to her.  Instead of being a failure for not finishing, she is an incredible example of sacrifice and putting the most important thing first.  She always works hard and gets the project done.  She is the best person to have on your team if you need something done.  She is humble, always amazed when people ask her to do things or head up committees, not seeing her own power and strength.  She is a true example of a Christian woman, always helping others.  There is always room at her house whether it's for the homeless woman we found in the park, friends of her kids, or the autistic man in her ward, everyone is welcome.  I've seen my Mother only eat half of her meal at a restaurant so she could give the other half to someone who needed it. She loves me and forgives me.  There is no higher honor than to be known as her daughter.