Maybe it's not that I'm too young to be a mother, maybe it's that I feel unqualified to be a mother. Aren't I supposed to take a test or prove my worthiness BEFORE they let me bring a child into the world? I mean, I had to pass a test to go to college, and I had to pass a test before they let me drive a car, and those things were relatively easy, but here I am pregnant, about to become a MOTHER, admittedly the hardest thing I will probably ever do, and I can just do it without passing any sort of test or taking a class or anything?
Or maybe it's because I've only been married for a little over a year. I always thought I wanted to be married for two years before I had any children. But that idea came when I was 23 and all my friends were getting married and it seemed insane to get married or have children. And since I got married at 32, waiting for two years no longer seemed like a good idea, plus my husband was really against that idea. And while I was totally on board with the "let's have a baby" plan, I also didn't feel completely prepared to become pregnant when I found out I was actually pregnant. I thought I'd have a few more months at least! (How a few more months would help me be more prepared, I have no idea.) I feel like in the "real" world people wait longer to get married and have kids, but my husband and I have been on the fast track. And maybe that's the real problem, I need to stop comparing myself to some outside world. In my world, in my reality, people get married fast, and they don't feel the need to wait for years and years to have children! Who belongs to that other world anyway? So, world, here I am! Married for a year to the best man I have ever know and pregnant and happy!
LOL! It's cuz you look so young.. (well, you ARE young). You are so funny, Annie... Loved this post! :D
ReplyDeleteIf you're too young to have your FIRST, them I'm way too young to have a 12 year old - oh wait - I am WAY too young to have a 12 year old! Sometimes I still feel like I'm 12 :)
ReplyDeleteMegan! I totally thought of you when I wrote this post and how I could be done with having kids. I definitely feel like I still belong in high school some days.
DeleteAnnie...I hear ya! When the hubs and I decided it was time to try, I was totally on board...and then it happened WAY FASTER then I expected. Yes, I expected a few months of mental preparation prior to the positive pregnant test. A rush of emotions hit me...mostly, oh dear, this is real. Am I ready to be a mother? Am I going to have the patience? Am I ready for the 24-7 responsibility? My entire adult life I have had a full-time job and knew I could work, but I guarantee none of my job experience made me feel qualified to be a mother. I personally did not like the pregnancy experience...motherly glow was the last thing on my mind. The constant nausea and extreme tiredness at the beginning did not help my misgivings. But, then, our little guy was born and I can't imagine our lives without this smiling munchkin...instead of feeling annoyance when he is having a bad day, I feel this intense wave of love and sadness that he isn't feeling.
ReplyDeleteI am so excited for you and Shawn and the precious little girl that will be joining your family soon!