Lately I've been feeling too young to be pregnant. I've started really showing in the last couple of weeks, and not only showing, but not really trying to hide it when I'm around people I know. But when it comes to people I don't know, I feel like I need to hide my pregnancy because I'm too young to be a mother. You guys, I'm 33! THIRTY THREE! Let's acknowledge that I'm really at the end of my "ideal" child bearing years. So, why do I feel like I'm too young to be pregnant? I've always looked younger than my age, but it's not like I'm getting away with looking like I'm 16 anymore.
Maybe it's not that I'm too young to be a mother, maybe it's that I feel unqualified to be a mother. Aren't I supposed to take a test or prove my worthiness BEFORE they let me bring a child into the world? I mean, I had to pass a test to go to college, and I had to pass a test before they let me drive a car, and those things were relatively easy, but here I am pregnant, about to become a MOTHER, admittedly the hardest thing I will probably ever do, and I can just do it without passing any sort of test or taking a class or anything?
Or maybe it's because I've only been married for a little over a year. I always thought I wanted to be married for two years before I had any children. But that idea came when I was 23 and all my friends were getting married and it seemed insane to get married or have children. And since I got married at 32, waiting for two years no longer seemed like a good idea, plus my husband was really against that idea. And while I was totally on board with the "let's have a baby" plan, I also didn't feel completely prepared to become pregnant when I found out I was actually pregnant. I thought I'd have a few more months at least! (How a few more months would help me be more prepared, I have no idea.) I feel like in the "real" world people wait longer to get married and have kids, but my husband and I have been on the fast track. And maybe that's the real problem, I need to stop comparing myself to some outside world. In my world, in my reality, people get married fast, and they don't feel the need to wait for years and years to have children! Who belongs to that other world anyway? So, world, here I am! Married for a year to the best man I have ever know and pregnant and happy!
here, my new favorite blog!