Lady Edith or Lady Mary?

Let's discuss last night's episode of Downton Abbey, shall we?  Oh, you haven't watched it yet?  Ok, well, get on that, it's a good one.  And by good I mean heart wrenching. Ugh. So, we won't discuss the show, but there's one aspect, one small scene I want to discuss.  I won't give away what happens in the show, but Lady Edith says to Lady Mary, basically, "Can we finally be friends?" And Lady Mary responds, "Oh, I doubt it." And that's when I realized that I am a Lady Edith.  Probably not completely.  I didn't get left at the altar.  And she's certainly done some horrible things to Lady Mary. But I am definitely the type of person who wants to mend disagreements and try to be friends again.  Sometimes long past the friendship expiration date.  I can think of a couple of specific instances in college where I hung on to friendships long after the other party had moved on, and one job I should have left but stayed more because I mistakenly thought more of the friends I had there than the horrible working conditions I was under.

I think there's some value in being a Lady Edith.  I value my friendships and work to maintain them.  But I think there's some value in being a Lady Mary too.  She lets things go when they need to, and is realistic about wether or not a friendship is going to work.

Now we could also say something about the fact that they are family, not just friends.  I do think that family relationships deserve the work required.  Lady Edith and Lady Mary should both put aside their differences and work on becoming friends as well as sisters, but I don't see that happening.  And if they were nice to each other would that change the dynamic of Downton Abbey too much?

OK, so who are you?  Are you a Lady Edith who hangs on to friendships too long or a Lady Mary who moves on too easily?

Six Months!

Dear Eliza,

You are six months old (in Januray) and the word of the month is curiosity! You are such a curious baby! This month you have been exploring in your walker and you love going all over the kitchen.  If we open the fridge or the dishwasher you come right over to find out what's inside.  You have figured out how to open one of the drawers in the kitchen, but haven't figured out how to take anything out. . . yet. You aren't quite crawling, but I'm sure you will any day now.  You are rolling and scooting anywhere you want to go.  I've given up putting a blanket down for you to play one because you'll just roll right off of it. You love your friend the baby in the mirror and will play quite happily with her for half an hour. Your favorite toy is the water bottle that Momma filled with dried peas.  You love to roll it around or pick it up and listen to the peas rattle around inside.

You are still nursing exclusively but soon it will be time to try out solids.  You love to watch Daddy and I eat and follow our food from our plates to our mouths with real interest and will always reach out and try to grab the food off of our plates.

You are not particularly fond of your carseat or going places.  You don't mind getting in your carseat, but once you've been there for 20 minutes you are done and want out right now! When we drove to visit Grandma and Grandpa Walker in Wyoming you cried half the way there and wanted Momma sitting right next to you holding your hand or playing with you.

You love playing with Momma or Daddy's phones or the remote control for the TV.  You'll eat anything you can get your hands on.

You still love taking baths and being naked.  You love to splash and play with toys in the bathtub. You always try to drink the water or eat the washcloths.  You even pulled yourself up to standing in the bathtub and almost gave Momma a heart attack!

You are talking and your favorite word is "dadadadada." You used to say "mamama" but now it's all about dada. You'll also sometimes say "baba" or "ka." You wake up happy and will lay in your crib and talk to yourself when you wake up.  You love to talk in church especially, and will get quite loud as you give your opinion during the lesson. Daddy says you are just singing.

You have started to roll over to Momma and try to climb on her lap when you are tired. You are a good nighttime sleeper, but naps are still a little challenging.  Sometimes you are a great daytime napper and sometimes a nap is nowhere to be found!

Love,

Momma

As I have become a mother my feelings towards my own mother have changed so much and my love for her has grown.  I am the youngest of six kids, so I have often felt left out, like they had all the fun before I came around.  I felt sometimes that my Mom used all of her fun Mom energy before I was there and by the time I came around having a baby and taking care of me was just routine.  But I also want to note that this thought has never bothered me, I just accepted it as the sixth child.  And I certainly know that I had a lot of benefits being the last.

But, now that I have my own baby I can picture my Mother with me, shushing the older children as she takes me into her bedroom where the crib is.  She wraps me up in a blanket, maybe grabs a special, loved, stuffed animal or toy.  She sits quietly with me and sings a song or reads a book and then she holds me close as she rocks me until I fall asleep.  She strokes her cheek on my soft downy baby head and smells the back of my neck where the baby smell seems to linger and she soaks in the moment, just as I do with Eliza.  Just as her mother did with her.  And by becoming a mother myself I am linked to all of the women that came before me.  And I can't help but love them more because now I understand how much love my Mom has for me.

Cute Baby Photo Friday

I love the little tongue sticking out.  

She's always such a happy giggly baby in the mornings!

Middle of the Night

Last night was one of those nights that every parent has experienced.  Eliza woke us up at her usual time (which I won't write down because Shawn doesn't like knowing what time it is when he gets up in the middle of the night) and I was strangely in a deep sleep.  I didn't know that I could sleep that deeply any more.  Shawn got up and changed her diaper, and it took me a few minutes for my body and mind to come together so that I could get up, walk down the hall, and take Eliza to nurse her.  She was crying by the time I took her from Shawn, she was hungry.  But she latched on quickly and quieted down and snuggled herself into my body.  I held her warm body close and rocked her.  Her small hand was cold and was restless, one minute hitting my cheek, the next fumbling with the cloth of my pajamas. I held her hand in mine to warm it up and to calm her down.  She finished eating and was wide awake, just looking around, so I sat her on my lap and sang our lullaby. I sat with her on my lap and she seemed the calm for a few minutes and then would talk and giggle and wiggle.  Where did this energy come from in the middle of the night? Usually she only nurses on one side in the middle of the night, but I put her on the other side as well, hoping it would calm her down, help her to fall asleep.  I put her lovey in her hand so it wouldn't explore like her hand on the first side.  It seemed to work, she fell asleep. But as if she was reading my thoughts as soon as I decided to move her to her crib, that she was asleep enough that she wouldn't wake and cry, she turned her head, looked at me and smiled, as if to say, "Ha! I fooled you! Silly Mommy!" And then she started to giggle and talk.  Oh, my sweet, adorable girl.

But, Mommy was tired and needing to get back to sleep.  I looked at the clock, we had been at this for well over an hour, I wanted to go get Shawn, to tag out, to tell him it was his turn.  But I waited and rocked, and held her hands and stroked her head with my cheek.  But she was still awake, still giggling, talking, looking around, happy.  I looked at the clock again and decided that I would give it 13 more minutes, and if she wasn't sleepy in 13 minutes I would tag Shawn in.  I stood up and started to do my best Momma bounce, the one that works to put her down for a nap every day.  And she didn't like it.  She started to get fussy, upset.  And five minutes later, with eight minutes to go, Shawn came to get her.  And we wordlessly passed her between us. Eliza loves her Daddy, I didn't hear another peep from her, she calmed down as soon as I put her in his arms. I handed him her lovey and softly closed the door behind me.  It had been 90 minutes.

Things I was Wrong About

I'm what they call a picky eater.  I think I have a good reason for being a picky eater, being allergic to nuts and all.  If food is unfamiliar I need to ask questions about it and inspect it to ensure it won't send me on a trip to the hospital.  So, I've always been a picky eater.  But in some ways I've taken that picky status a bit too far, and now as an adult, I'm trying to amend that.  I'm working on liking vegetables more and on trying new food. Here are a few foods that I was wrong about:

Stuffing

This is the first Thanksgiving that stuffing has graced my plate.  I've always been turned off by stuffing. I think it was the olives in my Mom's homemade stuffing.  And then a few weeks ago I had the realization that stuffing is basically bread and herbs.  I love bread.  I love herbs.  Why wouldn't I love stuffing?  So, I tried some that Shawn made and guess what, I loved it!  Sure, it was the cheap stuff that comes from a box, but my eyes were opened.  I was wrong about stuffing.

Pickles

Technically pickles may need stay on my list of things I don't like because there's only one kind of pickles I like and that's the kind I make myself.  I've always been dubious of pickles.  I think it's because on hamburgers they are flimsy and taste bad and ew, gross.  But my sister in law, Barb, makes her own pickles, and in an effort to, I don't know, impress my new family, or not be so weird to them, I ate some of Barb's pickles.  And surprisingly I liked them!  So, when Shawn suggested we make our own pickles the first year we were married I was on board as long as it was Barb's recipe.  (Funny story, we made pickles and ice cream the same weekend, and no I wasn't pregnant yet, but it sure did spark rumors when I shared it on facebook.) I still don't like store bought pickles, and especially don't like the pickles that come on hamburgers.  And don't ask me if the ones we make are dill or sweet, I don't know the difference.  But I like my homemade pickles and I was wrong about them.

Chocolate Cereal

I'm not kidding when I say that Shawn has 10 boxes of chocolate cereal in his food storage. And when we first got married he offered me a bowl of "Cocoa Dyno-mites!" and I said, "Ew, gross, no, chocolate cereal is disgusting." And I have to confess, I made that assumption without every trying chocolate cereal.  It's something my Mom told me every time I asked for a box in the grocery store as a kid, and it stuck.  But then one day we ran out of non chocolate cereal in the cupboard, and I was feeling both particularly lazy not wanting to go downstairs to get more cereal, and having a chocolate craving, so I dipped into the Cocoa Dyno-mites and guess what, it was delicious!  I was wrong about chocolate cereal, and I actually had to tell my husband "You were right and I was wrong."

Debating Resolutions

Do you make New Years Resolutions?  I don't always make resolutions.  And sometimes when I make them I just know that I'm not going to keep them, so I only do it half-heartedly.  One year in high school I made a resolution to not eat candy for an entire year.  And I actually made it!

This year I'm debating some resolutions, and maybe I'm just resolving to do better?  I want to take better care of myself.  To me that means taking better care of my skin, taking better care of my teeth, and moving more.  Part of me would love to make resolution to work out, but I know that in order to really make that happen I need to truly commit, and right now, this year, I'm not ready to commit I guess.  I want to be more focused on Eliza.  I don't want to get distracted by facebook and the internet when I am with her.  I want to do something unique with her every day, maybe read books, or find a way to play together every day.  I want to record our life this year. I want to write down what life is like with her in this first year.  I want to record her firsts. Maybe I'll do that on the blog, maybe I'll write in a journal, maybe I'll take pictures.

Sometimes I have grand ideas about blogging more.  Part of me thought "I'll blog every day in January and since it's just one month it will be easy."  But here it is the second of January and I've already missed a day.  Oh well.

What about you?  Do you have New Years Resolutions?  Or New Years ideas? What do you want to change, fix, do better?