Saturday, January 5, 2013

As I have become a mother my feelings towards my own mother have changed so much and my love for her has grown.  I am the youngest of six kids, so I have often felt left out, like they had all the fun before I came around.  I felt sometimes that my Mom used all of her fun Mom energy before I was there and by the time I came around having a baby and taking care of me was just routine.  But I also want to note that this thought has never bothered me, I just accepted it as the sixth child.  And I certainly know that I had a lot of benefits being the last.

But, now that I have my own baby I can picture my Mother with me, shushing the older children as she takes me into her bedroom where the crib is.  She wraps me up in a blanket, maybe grabs a special, loved, stuffed animal or toy.  She sits quietly with me and sings a song or reads a book and then she holds me close as she rocks me until I fall asleep.  She strokes her cheek on my soft downy baby head and smells the back of my neck where the baby smell seems to linger and she soaks in the moment, just as I do with Eliza.  Just as her mother did with her.  And by becoming a mother myself I am linked to all of the women that came before me.  And I can't help but love them more because now I understand how much love my Mom has for me.

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