If there's one big lesson I've been learning during pregnancy, it's one that we all really need to learn in Kindergarten. Sometimes I'm really good at this lesson, sometimes I need a big reminder, and being pregnant I've needed a giant reminder. Don't compare yourself to other people. It always ends up badly! I've really tried to be good at reminding myself that every pregnant woman is different, and that even every pregnancy is different. But I still do it, I still compare.
I have a lovely coworker, a truly wonderful, kind, generous, friendly person, but I tend to get jealous of her pregnancy. Let's just say that in a lot of ways this pregnancy has been hard on me. I've struggled a bit, and she just didn't. No morning sickness, no heartburn, she traveled and didn't have any of the usual pregnant symptoms. And I find myself comparing my pregnancy to hers a lot and feeling inadequate a lot. Morning sickness hit me hard, and I found myself jealous of her. I took one trip for work while pregnant and it wiped me out and took days to recover! I instantly cancelled the second trip I was planning in my head. I am exhausted ALL THE TIME and having a seriously hard time making it to work in the mornings. And then I compare myself to my coworker and I feel bad. Why can't I do those things? Why am I struggling so much? Why does she have to (appear to) be so perfect at pregnancy? And then I remind myself, that's just it! To me, she appears perfect. But we're not close friends. I'm not the person she'd come crying to if she didn't feel well. I'm not the person she'd tell if she was exhausted. We don't even work on the same floor so I have no idea what time she gets in to the office in the morning, or if she's even there! I don't know what she's going through, so I certainly don't need to compare myself to her. And, I work with a bunch of parents. My boss has been amazingly understanding, the women in my office have been supportive, and the men are excited. I'm really lucky. And I'm doing the best I can, and right now, that just has to be good enough.
I liked your honesty in this post. What is it with us girls and our ability to compare and belittle ourselves? It drives me mad sometimes.
ReplyDeleteAs a girl who generally doesn't get sick pregnant and feels pretty good, I would have to say I am a little jealous of those who don't feel as good. Funny right? I think the ones who feel terrible and deal with nausea and throwing up constantly work so much harder for those little ones growing inside of them. I give them way more credit for bringing their babies into the world.
Also in general, I believe anything goes when you are pregnant. You should be allowed to complain as much as you want, eat as much as you want, be ornery as much as you want, anything! It really is difficult becoming a mother!!
If it means anything I think you may be the cutest pregnant lady I have ever seen and I don't doubt for a second that you will be a fantastic mom. And you are a rad visiting teacher!